You'll never ever hear, look, see or find,
A car or bus leaving no sound behind.
People and people rushing by.
Birds are singing high in the sky.
Shops always are open,
With no words unspoken.
My place, my town,
My smile, my frown.
No space.
MY place.
Well done - both for attempting this difficult task, and for being the first person to do so! Very impressive.
ReplyDeleteBut let me ask you four questions about it:
1. Are all your lines completely iambic? (I know it's difficult, but it's good to discipline yourself)
2. Are you ever rhyming in a way which takes you off course (i.e. just because you couldn't think what else to rhyme)?
3. Does the poem make complete sense, and give a coherent picture of your chosen place?
4. Could you make more use of imagery (esp. metaphor) to add richness to your verse?
Please don't see these questions as criticism. I am simply trying to work with you to make you better and better still - 'training' you, if you like. Think of it like an athlete training hard - their trainer will push them and push them to the very limit, and that is what I aim to do with all of you. And these questions should help the others who haven't yet attempted the task too.
thanks sir:)
ReplyDeleteomg this is so hard lol. my poem is gonna flop bigtime lol
ReplyDeleteits better den myn luv!! :P
ReplyDeleteAwww.
ReplyDeleteSabz, that was really great! Not only was it so close to home (it is home. ;D) but it was described with the truth of an 'East Londoner'.
xDD
Fabbo!
fankooo b!! lol i dnt fink i lyk it much :(
ReplyDelete