Sunday, 22 April 2007

Sea of Souls

One day they’ll realise how lonely we all are in this life.

Love is life, life is love. Friends are forever, forever friends. That’s what fantasy is, not a mention of the loneliest soul.

I've never been close to someone really, they just dismiss me as another ‘know it all’. Little do they all know what intoxicating thoughts are pecking away at my tortured skull whenever they are together. None were spoken though. That would be the end of me, one word and they would give out shared signals. All a boiling hatred that sliced through the atmosphere whenever I was near.

That’s why my manifesto of dreams was certainly not an open book for them; to rip, and burn the pages of hope and acceptance until nothing but only my deep hatred was left in the form of smoke and ashes, the ashes of hope.

They’ll never understand what friendship is, a helping hand of hope, a conversation of acceptance, a returned smile. I'm not bothered though for it is too late. The sea of souls has swooped its latest member into its whirlpool of tears.

One day they’ll realise how lonely we all are in this life.
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6 comments:

  1. carlsberger22 April 2007 at 11:20

    i havent used the opening but i think its more effective this way

    p.s. im open to coments so dont hesitate

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  2. TeleTubbiez23 April 2007 at 12:05

    I relly loved this piece, it really caught me. And you were right your opening was more effective.

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  3. sugadust25 April 2007 at 12:33

    omg lol, this piece is great... yh i think ur openin works better with ur plot... great piece of work!! :D

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  4. Mimi26 April 2007 at 10:28

    Oohhh!
    just read your narrative and its really good! I really liked the openeing and i feel it worked well with the story.
    well done! =]

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  5. englishguru28 April 2007 at 02:18

    This is very dark and intense, isn't it. I think you need to beware sometimes of going a little 'over the top' (something of which most of the posts this week have been guilty at times) - sometimes understatement works just as well. But, that said, there is some fantastically original stuff here: e.g. 'manifesto of dreams'. Wonderful!

    Lastly, beware of mixing your metaphors: your 'book' metaphor works well, but saying your "boiling hatred" (i.e. hot liquid metaphor) "sliced" the atmosphere (i.e. knife metaphor) is mixing two up. Do you know what I mean?

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  6. carlsberger30 April 2007 at 11:49

    god i never really did understand science lol.ok sir comments taken :-)

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