Parents who needs them? They make you, give birth to you then abandon you.After that thier job is pretty much done,well thats what my parents thought anyway.
For the first 10 years of my life i was brought up by my Grand-parents.I didnt know my real parents and when i asked my nan or grandad they always replied that mum was too young and i didnt have a dad i was forced to believe them as i didnt have reason to belive any different. my grand-parents died when i was 11 and i was left all alone in the world; with nowhere else to go had to be put in a foster home, thats when the curiousity kicked in.
When you are growing up loads of questions float in and out of your mind but not me. One had stayed there permanatley. Who were my parents? I had a mum with no name and a father who didnt exist.What i didnt realise was these questions would leave me wishing i had never asked.
In the time i spent at the foster home my growing curiosity about my identity was becoming unbearable to take and i decided to find out. Every child has there own personal file locked away in a drawer and it is strictly private,However i didnt want mine to be private. I had questions and only that file had the answers.
On a late sunday night when the home was quiet i snuck into the office with 1 goal : to get my file.The risk of getting caught by Ms Voltz (my carer) didn't scare me as i knew it was enivitable,but this was the only way.My hand quivered as it slowly moved towards the drawer. What was i hoping to find?Was i ready? These questions paced in and out of my head. I finally got the courage after 3 minutes of standing motionless to open it.I scanned through the files ,all of them were really thick with pages and pages of information when i stopped at one with just 1 piece of paper:mine! I slowly lifted it out. my eyes shifted left to right, sentance from sentance, word to word.What i read brought up the days dinner, it was unbearable, Why? Why? I heard footsteps. The light came on, Ms Voltz screamed, a loud crack echoed through the home as my head left a huge crack in the tiles.
I woke up a week later still in hospital with 3 wounds that would eventually go however what i had found out wouldn't.I said at the start who needs parents?Especially if your grandfather turns out to be your dad!
You've certainly managed a shocking finale - and have kind of managed to frame with a similar beginning and ending (although it is a shame you didn't follow the task that was set?).
ReplyDeleteI like the way you build up to your climax, increasing the tension towards the end very effectively. Well done.
Elsewhere, however, I think you could learn from two things in particular:
1. You need to keep closer control over your sentences, leaving us in no doubt that you know when to have them SHORT, and when to allow them to be LONGER. Instead, your syntax is a little lacking in variety.
2. Make sure you check your writing for EVERY careless error next time, as anything but meticulous accuracy can spoil the overall effect, don't you think?
omg dat woz interesting, the conclusion really got meee... wow. lol :P
ReplyDeletesorry sir i have a habit of not reading things properly
ReplyDelete