i miss my old gentlemen callers
thats when i was somebody
my daughter is not a lost cause
but my son acts like a nobody
my husband just up and went
left me alone with our children
with almost no money ,just a cent
he acted like an evil villian.
thats it, now all hope is gone
laura dosent interest jim
and all my optimisim is withdrawn
from now on the future looks dim
amanda wingfield used to be someone
now all i can say is whats done is done
i no its a bit rushed but i went away with my parents and didnt know so sorry.
The content of the poem is great, and gets straight to the heart of what makes Amanda tick.
ReplyDeleteBut, whilst you have mastered the rhyming requirements of a sonnet, the rhythm and meter are not quite there. Remember, each line should have 10 syllables - dee-DUM dee-DUM dee-DUM dee-DUM dee-DUM
Only lines 11, 13 and 14 have the right number of feet and syllables - the rest are still a little lacking.
Have a listen to the old and new podcasts and see if it becomes clearer?