This is terrible because i havn't got my head round the whole iamb thing...
The sun belts down on its luminous open land
As the cool breeze blows and paints patterns in the sand
The nile lies still catching the sun
drifting by slowly is her idea of fun
The pyramids stand proud
breaking through the cloud
my love
my life
I know its rubbish :-/
nobodys masterd the iambic part yet so dont worry! lol
ReplyDeleteAgain, this is a wonderful evocation of a powerful place, but you are not yet there with your iambic feet...
ReplyDeleteThere are a number of checks to make. Firstly, an iambic foot will always have two syllables (an unstressed followed by a stressed - dee-DUM). Therefore, a pentameter (i.e. your first two lines) should each have 5x2=10 syllables. However, they both have 12.
That said, simply having 10 syllables does not make a line an iambic pentameter. The stressed come into play too.
On a positive note, however, in addition to your final couplet, line 5 is also successfully iambic. Here it is written again with the three stressed syllables in capitals:
the PYRaMIDS stand PROUD.
So well done on that! :)
Just realised this is only 8 lines too. Should have been 10...
ReplyDelete