Robert: I can’t say that I’m shocked you were untrue.
Emma: the love we had has passed it’s sell by date.
Robert: you tore my heart and now I’m filled with rue.
Emma: I wished to tell you but it was too late.
Robert: you went behind my back with my best friend!
Emma: he seemed to care more than you ever did.
Robert: for you I would have done a full back bend!
Emma: this pent up love you felt for me, you hid.
Robert: I see you are a cold hard stupid whore.
Emma: how dare you call me names it isn’t fare!
Robert: just pack your bags; be gone out of the door.
Emma: you fail to understand, see if I care.
Robert: I won’t be hurt again on from this day.
Emma: I never wanted it to end this way.
task 8
ReplyDeletei'm thinking about changing thesecond line to
ReplyDeleteEmma: the love we shared had(s) passed it sell by date
This is an outstanding attempt, even if some of your words are awkwardly chosen. You have pretty much met all the rules in every line - no small achievement: well done!
ReplyDeleteLine 2: "shared" is probably better than "had" (and it is "its" not "it's")
Line 3: nothing WRONG with the word "rue" but it seems a little archaic here, perhaps.
Line 4: "wished" doesn't quite work here. "yearned" or "longed" instead?
Line 7: "a full back bend"???
Line 10: "fair" (not "fare")
Line 11: "be gone out of the door" reads a little awkwardly
Line 12: needs a semi colon between the two phrases
Line 13: "on from this day" reads a bit awkwardly
Might be worth a redraft - which you can post as a new message. Or you can ignore me and leave it as it is.
I remain very impressed! :)