Wednesday, 20 June 2007

Forgotten

My heart, my life, my world shattered.
Tears flood my broken soul.
To search, why, is such confusion.
Pain is out of control.
Fire of regret burns inside.
Left here to bear your sin alone.
The forgotten jewel in the shade.
at

1 comment:

  1. englishguru22 June 2007 at 03:25

    An exceptionally powerful poem, but the METER is not quite there.

    Remember, the poem should be:
    U/U/U/U/
    U/U/U/
    U/U/U/U/
    U/U/U/
    U/U/U/U/
    U/U/U/
    U/U/U/U/
    U/U/U/

    Line 1 is let down by the position of the word 'shattered'.
    Line 2 = perfect
    Line 3 is let down by the position of the word 'confusion'
    Line 4 = 'Pain is' seems to be more trochaic than iambic
    Line 5 = add an 'it' before 'burns' and this would be perfect
    Line 6 = perfect iambic tetrameter, but, in this task, the even lines are supposed to have THREE feet (and not FOUR)
    Line 7 = 'forgotten' is placed awkwardly
    Line 8 = Where is it???!!!

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