Task 17
1:From the North Pole he comes down the chimney,
Has come to give presents to girls and boys
He is an old man who rides on his sleigh
2:Father Christmas has come tonight
He knows when we are very bad
Better not be naughty today!
3:We like to leave him his favourite drink
Through the night he’s working a tight shift
Off he goes to the next house he flows
4:So when its dark he’ll come
To fill your stocking up
And make sure your day’s good
5:Sometimes we write a note and put it in the fireplace
So that he knows what to get
So on Christmas day we’ll have a happy face
So is it a toy or, a pet?
Has come to give presents to girls and boys
He is an old man who rides on his sleigh
2:Father Christmas has come tonight
He knows when we are very bad
Better not be naughty today!
3:We like to leave him his favourite drink
Through the night he’s working a tight shift
Off he goes to the next house he flows
4:So when its dark he’ll come
To fill your stocking up
And make sure your day’s good
5:Sometimes we write a note and put it in the fireplace
So that he knows what to get
So on Christmas day we’ll have a happy face
So is it a toy or, a pet?
6:So where did saint Nick come from?
And who makes all the toys?
So here’s a tale of my friend Tom.
Who questioned Santa and turned to an adult from a boy.
So in bleak December
You can’t say on the twenty four at lay
That it feels like November
So on the twenty fifth-its blooming Christmas day!
Probably best post this one again, labelling each exercise in the same way I did - otherwise it is going to prove quite tricky for moderators/workshoppers to assess...
ReplyDeleteOk sir I'll change that quickly.
ReplyDeleteWith your first four exercises, you have got the right number of syllables each time - which is half the battle - but re-read them each aloud, putting the stress where the meter demands, and you will see that most of the time you are accentuating some strange syllables.
ReplyDeleteFor example: from THE north POLE he COMES down THE chimNEY
Doesn't stressing each "the" sound awkward? And does anyone say "chimNEY"? Surely "CHIMney" is the correct pronunciation, isn't it?
Once you realise what I mean here, it should be possible to go over exercises 1-4 and shift/replace words/syllables so the stresses make sense and sound right.
For example, change the first attempt at exercise 2 to: "Father Christmas came this evening" - and see how this small change makes the line fit the trochaic rhythm perfectly.
As for Exercise 5, I think you've misunderstood the task. All the lines should have FIVE feet, each of them IAMBIC (dee-DUM). Similarly, Exercise 6 does not adhere to the requirements of the task.
Have a look through some of the other submissions (and the comments on them) and see if you can attempt this again? And don't be disheartened: this is difficult stuff! :)
ok I think I understand what you mean so i'll have another go and change some words around
ReplyDeleteFizzy
ReplyDeleteHi Fizzy, I thought this was a really difficult task so don’t worry – it’s much easier to recognise a metre than actually use it! In a way you need to start with the rhythm in your head first like a tune, then fit in the words as Mr Savage says. That’s also how a lot of poets work – they get a beat into their heads and the words come later.
With this in mind you can see how your iambic pentameter hasn’t really worked, at least the iambic part; the trochaic tetrameter starts ok (FAther CHRISTmas) but the first line ends up in iambs (has COME toNIGHT). The second and third lines are mostly iambic too and the last line ends with an iamb.
The first dactylic line works better though you end up with a syllable too many. By the second line the stresses aren’t really falling in the right place – if the metre was being strictly observed you’d end up with a stress on A which doesn’t really make sense.
The anapaests are also a bit tricky. Check your first line, the natural way of saying it almost adds a comma: ‘So when it’s dark, he’ll come’, which means that a stress would fall on dark. That messes up the anapaest which ought to make it ‘So when IT’S dark he’ll COME’ which is a bit weird.
The quatrains are a bit floppy – fourteen syllables in a line of pentameter doesn’t really work (unless there’s a point to having a long line there) but I had to give up attempting the exercise myself at this point so I wouldn’t worry too much...
Best
Anjali