iambic pentameter.
It was the bond that we could only see
When time was not of use to me and you
How time can change is up to us two now.
trochaic tetrameter.
We were always bonded like glue
She has left and now trust is dead
Now I am left to fight alone.
dactylic trimeter.
Trust is forever forgiving me
Giving a hand when i need it now,
Trust only holds the deserving hand.
anapestic dimeter.
When trust breaks, most will flee
Only love can survive
Because love conquers all
quatrain/iambic pentameter.
When you left me there was no trust in you
You said i was a helpless fool in love
You said that this was all just déjà vu
The rest is far too cursed to talk of.
Quatrain/anapestic tetrameter/trimeter.
One decision in time can destroy all the trust,
don’t let lust judge your only fair fate.
O so simple it may be, yet some cant adjust.
Trust is always the fatal barbed bait.
i think this is the best that im going to get this. there might be one or two off-beats but nothing that a bit of perserverence wont correct :-). ( thats not a hint in any way lol).
ReplyDeleteCarlsberger,
ReplyDeleteThis is fantastic. The changes you’ve made are great, and I can see you took my past comments into consideration.
1- Perfect.
2- When I read the first line is sounds like this: WE were ALways BONDed like GLUE – which you can see means that the last foot becomes iambic instead of trochaic. In the second line, the accent falls on the words ‘now’ and ‘is’, but I think they should be on ‘trust’ and ‘dead.’ If you move “now” to the end of the line, I think it would work: “SHE has LEFT and TRUST is DEAD now.” In the third line, I’d turn ‘I am’ into ‘I'm.’ The line ends in ‘alone’ which is iambic, so you may want to consider a new phrase there.
3- I want to place an accent on the last word ‘hand’ when I read this, which throws off the meter a little, but other than that these lines are good.
4- Good!
5- Good!
6- Great! I love the phrase “fatal barbed bait.” Sounds really good and creates a nice image and emotion, too.
Very good, enjoyable to read. And I like the new picture, too! Good work.
1. excellent
ReplyDelete2. a) and b) are great but both end with an iamb instead of a trochee. And c) is purely iambic. Trochees are often the hardest though, so don't be disheartened...
3. and 4 and 6. Excellent
5.
Line 1 reads more like two anapests followed by two iambs. Do you see what I mean?
Line 2/3 = perfect
Line 4 = one syllable short?
Great stuff; wonderful work. :)