Task 1: Iambic
I used to think that life was so easy
When i was young i was so troublesome
Today i have managed to change a lot
Tomorrow i am sure I'll change some more
Task 2: Trochee
People think that i am feisty
People think that i am lively
Mondays are always the worst day
Task 3: Dactyls
Friends are my world and i dearly care
Parents are special and wonderful
Task 4: Anapest
I wish mondays weren't here
As a child i was bad
I soon will be lovely
Task 5: Quatrin: abab, iambic pentameters
I am so used to people hassling me
That sometimes it really makes me mad
It's seems to happen so regulalrly
that it has just stopped making me so sad
Task 6: Quatrin: abab anapests
I just wish that i could try and make me better
I hope someday i can try, improve
I know someday i will become a go getter
And achieve my needs to help me move
Hey, Shani,
ReplyDeleteWell done with these, and a cool subject; very like a poet to choose 'me' :)
Task one: Good work counting the beats with these - it's all the right number of syllables. You sometimes get the stresses wrong; you'd have to say 'eaSY' for the first line to work, and the third line sounds a bit off too - maybe try 'Today you'll find that I have changed a lot' or something. Last line's ace though, and really good message to finish on too.
Two: Ace little poem, and good control of rythm and beats (especially beats - it's well polished stuff). Third line sounds like the rythm shifts a bit, maybe swap 'are' and 'always' around if you need to (I'll let other people help with that, cos my ear isn't that good for rythm sometimes :]).
Three and four are cool. I think maybe the third line of four could have 'soon' and 'will' switched round to sound more natural.
In five you've missed a beat in line two, but the rest has the right number, and you only need to make it 'That sometimes it can really make me mad' to fit.
I've enjoyed reading these, and I look forward to your sonnets (if that's what you're doing next - I think it is). Take care,
Andy
Oh, also - exercise six works well. You have the right number of beats there, and also it's a nice idea and has some great sentiments. Sorry to have missed that out of the previous post,
ReplyDeleteAndy
Thanks for the comments i see what you mean about task 2 i'll try and change that!
ReplyDeleteas i said before thanks for the comments!
Hey, Shani. How’s it going?
ReplyDeleteThere’s lots of good stuff in your attempts at “scales and arpeggios.” I agree with Andy about your choice of subject – inspired! You clearly understand the general theory behind the different forms that you’ve used, too. You’ve grasped the stress pattern of iambic pentameter, even if there is the odd little slip, and I like the fact that you have linked your attempts. It makes your work read more like poetry, and less like a dull academic exercise. Good work! You seem to know your stuff when it comes to trochees, too, but don’t forget to capitalize the letter I.
Your dactyls demonstrate a solid understanding of form. I think it’s a good technique to try and ensure that the stress falls on the first syllable of a word. Well done. You’ve grasped the idea of anapaests, too. Your second attempt is your strongest, I think. I agree with Andy that the third line doesn’t flow, and I’m not sure that the first line makes grammatical sense.
Your first quatrain is a little shaky in places. As Andy says, the second line is a syllable too short, and you’ve misspelt ‘regularly’. These aren’t major problems, and they’re easy to fix. The rhythm of the first line could use a little tightening up, too. ‘I AM so USED to PEOPle HASSling ME’ – I think it’s the penultimate iamb that mucks it up a bit for me – the end of ‘people’ and the beginning of ‘hassling.’ It might be worth playing around with it for a while and seeing if you can come up with something stronger.
Your final exercise demonstrates once again how well you understand what an anapaest is. I think your first line is a super example. You also make good use of the rhyme scheme, so good job.
Happy writing,
Helen
I agree with the other moderators that Tasks 1 and 2 are almost there - and a little bit of fine tuning and syllable-swapping will sort them perfectly. See Andy's suggestions there?
ReplyDeleteTask 3 is excellent, as are the first two lines of Task 4. However, your last line is really "i SOON will be LOVEly", which doesn't quite work...
Task 5 is a little shaky, but, again, it is not miles off, and their suggestions should help you sort it out.
Task 6 has the right number of syllables, but it doesn't quite flow with the anapestic rhythm, especially in Lines 1 and 3, which both end in an iamb. Very close though and, as with the rest of these tasks, you should be really proud of yourself. :)