(Young Girl, coming up the stairs, lowers her bag off of her shoulders and begins talking to the camera while walking to her bedroom.)
What a hectic weekend! Marvelous, but hectic. I had my first ever sleepover. With people that actually like me! They call it a 'Beauty Bash'. Well whatever it was, it was Mighty Fun!
(Opens her bedroom door)
Oh well, no matter where you go or how fun it was, you always miss ya bed, right?
(Throws herself on her bed)
Ahhh. Wonderful. That's not what the other girls at school think of my face though. Or my rusty hair. They call me names, and it's nothing like wonderful. They call me 'Ginger Minger' or 'Dot 2 Dot', referring to my fire-freckled face. But the girls at the sleepover don't think that, and neither does 'he' so why do they?
(Edges over to her mirror, playing with her tangled hair and rubbing her face with her stubby fingers)
Whatever though yano? If ya don't like me, then leave off.
(Tears coming to her eyes) You don't have to get carried away and throw me on the floor
(Imitating violent actions) and stamp on my face and kick me, and keep kicking, until you drain me, physically AND emotionally.
(Crying, and looking over to a blurry shiny metal on her bedside table) But he never fails me. He ties red ribbons beautifully on my wrist, calming me, relieving my pain. He doesn't think I'm ugly.
(It becomes clear that it's a knife and she slowly edges over to it)
heya b I like your monologue - it was very precise and showed how bullying really can force the victim into doing tragic things to escape their life. xx :D
ReplyDeleteooooo ur monologuee wass gooooooddd... it proper gripped me till the end like loool
ReplyDeleteThere are some brilliant parts to this: "fire-freckled face" ... "He ties red ribbons beautifully on my wrist" - originally done and with true flair. Well done!
ReplyDeleteHowever, I got a bit confused by the way your narrative swung between positive and negative. I know what you were TRYING to do, but I think that got a little confusing along the way. Perhaps it is because the whole piece could not make up its mind whether it was a piece about a) bullying; b) a sleepover; c) a violent assault; d) self-harm... I know it doesn't just need to be one of these, but your focus needs to be clearer.
Hope that makes sense... :)
Hello there,
ReplyDeleteThanks for posting. I agree with englishguru about your powerful use of language. I especially like the metaphors you use in your descriptions of self harm. I also like the fact that you personify the knife, transforming the inanimate object into a 'he'. Very imaginative.
I do think that the mood changes too quickly in places. Perhaps if you made the piece a little longer, you'd have more of a chance to develop an atmosophere before going off in a different direction.
Perhaps having a few less themes would help. Think of the piece as a tea party - you can have one host, and a couple of guests, but after that, things get a bit hectic!
Anyway, good work. I was particularly impressed by the way that you envisaged the girl interacting with the camera. It seemed as if you'd really made the effort to imagine your piece as a dramatic monologue.
Helen