Saturday, 9 February 2008

Task 19

Your love for me did burn so strong and bright
But I was filled with doubt and growing fear
You layed awake with thoughts of us at night
“I love you”, words I didn’t want to hear
You showered me with gifts I didn’t need
I dusted false affection over you
To me, our love resembled bitter weeds
I tried to love you but it wasn’t true
The day arrived to tell him how I felt
I needed space just just a silly boy
Before confession, he bowed and then knelt
“Marry me?”, this moment I cannot enjoy
I gently pressed my lips to his and said
This love we share, to me, is truly dead.

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6 comments:

  1. Mimi9 February 2008 at 15:38

    Whoops, its meant to say " I needed space he's just a silly boy"

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  2. scarlet-kyuubi9 February 2008 at 15:44

    AMINA ! iluvitiluvitiluvit !
    it made me laugh because i imagined the scenario and it was HILARIOUS, but i know it also takes alot ofskill and imagination to think something like this up so WELL DONE !
    :D

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  3. Punk-Rock-Princess10 February 2008 at 03:01

    This is so good! What a familiar story.... hmmm...
    =P

    I love it, it's awesome xD


    xx

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  4. YAZ10 February 2008 at 09:58

    your poem has a really good theme/story... i really like the line 'i dusted false affection over you'... dnt ask why.. i guess im a freek lol but well done x

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  5. englishguru14 February 2008 at 13:22

    Wow!

    Lines 11-12 are all that let down an otherwise brilliant sonnet. Elsewhere, there are moments of genius - e.g. "I dusted false affection over you".

    See if you can rework those two lines to get the whole thing up to the high standard elsewhere?

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  6. claire_a15 February 2008 at 05:38

    I have nothing to add, really - it works extremely well except for lines 11&12 (meter a little off, and an extra syllable in 12). Nice ending that undercuts the potential for cliche. And I agree that the stand-out bit is line 6. Well done

    ReplyDelete