
I lived with my aunt for two days now and I can’t bring myself to eat or drink. My face is pale and my eyes are red due to the lack of sleep and my wails for my dead parents. It weren’t fair that they were taken so quickly from me...died in a car crash and left me here in a dark small space with the woman upstairs getting that cane or whip to beat me again. (Rubs eyes and fidgets, stares at the cold bread and water or a metal plate)
So my parents didn’t come home that night, it was my birthday as well, hmm. IT WASN’T FAIR! IT WASN’T FAIR!!! (Footsteps outside and a screams of yelling)
Well I better shut up now, or she’ll unlock the door. (Footsteps fade away up the creaky stair.) Thank god, she’s gone, Thank the lord. (Sighs of relief, crawls to the cold bread a slips the stale water. Looking carefully at the door.) It feels so filling to eat something again but better not eat a lot or she’ll hit me for being so greedy and not so less or she’ll hit me for being so ungrateful.
Well I better shut up now, or she’ll unlock the door. (Footsteps fade away up the creaky stair.) Thank god, she’s gone, Thank the lord. (Sighs of relief, crawls to the cold bread a slips the stale water. Looking carefully at the door.) It feels so filling to eat something again but better not eat a lot or she’ll hit me for being so greedy and not so less or she’ll hit me for being so ungrateful.
I never was a Christian but now I pray every day to see light and my dear mother’s face, (Tear drops down her face as she looks down in despair.)So if you hear me out god, yeah, you were able to take my parents and I don’t care if you can take me but help me please, please, please, Hear me out take me out of here in anyway. Please-I beg you!
(She cries and wails with pain, footsteps patter down the stairs, she covers her mouth in horror as the door opens.)
OMG!That was so emotionalYou could really feel the emotions of the girl and feel like wanting to reach out and help here.Well done
ReplyDeleteI agree. Very dark and pitiful, leaving us crying out to help. And your ending is similarly powerful and effective.
ReplyDeleteThis is really good writing, annonomous. Also, I especially like the odd 'yeah', which makes it sound even more like someone's colloquial speech. Can you think of any other ways you could achieve that?
Well done!
I don't really think I could do much difference without help so much but if I think of anything else then i'll change it immediatly!
ReplyDeletepps...
Do you think ms. ali would mind if i use the back of my english work for word voodoo, cause, it is sort of english???
I'm sure that will be fine with Mrs Ali. And as for improving it, you're welcome to come and find me tomorrow or Friday lunchtimes and I'll go through it with you...
ReplyDelete