Little Red: I'm off now mother, you know, to give these goodies to grandma. Won't be long!
Mother: Hold on a second now Red. We don't want a repeat of last time now do we. Now you're certain you're prepared and know what to do, yes?
Little Red: Yes mother. We've gone over it a million times now. (mimics mother) Don't talk to strangers, don't pick strawberries, and never trust any absurd species like foxes to direct you when in need of help... (mutters) again.
Mother: Well done. And make sure you keep that cake well wrapped up. We don't want it getting stuck to the biscuits now do we. What an awful mess that would make!
Little Red: We've gone over this so many times mother. How comes it's always grandma that's getting ill? I understand she’s getting old and all but still…
Mother: Can you blame that sweet lady? That bloody wolf nearly gave her a bleeding heart attack the last time this all happened. Speaking of wolf remember not to...
Little Red: MOTHER!
Mother: Very well. Now stop all this chit chat. Grandma will be expecting you soon!
Little Red: Goodbye mother... I’ll be home as soon as I can! (She walks out of the front door singing)
Little Red: Oh my! An apple tree! Mother said not to pick any STRAWBERRIES. Apples should be fine (smiling to herself). Maybe grandma could use these for those lovely apple pies she makes (she bends down to pick up fallen apples from the ground when a rather familiar figure taps her from behind)
Wolf: Hello there Red. Look I understand that we've had our ups and downs and all but this time I sincerely am sorry for everything that’s happened between us. (Smiling) Friends?
Little red: Err... Yeah. Whatever… I guess. I must dash!
Wolf: Visiting grandma again are we Red?
Little red: I really must go...
Wolf: Hey, those apples look mighty heavy! Why don’t you let me take those little burdens off your hand and let me carry them for you?
Little red: (thinks) well, I guess so if that’s all you want... this time.
Wolf: (grins showing his baring pointy gleaming white teeth, he mutters to himself) works every time...
Hi, Sugadust.
ReplyDeleteI'm very fond of fresh versions of old fairy tales. A lot of female authors have attempted to rewrite folk and fairy stories in the past, and I think that reading some of their stuff would give you a real insight into this task. I recommend Angela Carter's collection of short stories 'The Bloody Chamber' and Jeanette Winterson's novel 'Sexing the Cherry.'
I enjoyed reading your version of what happens after the ending of original tale. The most popular versions of fairy stories tend to be very didactic, with a worthy moral at the end, so it's interesting to see a Red Riding Hood who really hasn't learnt her lesson! I think your piece plays in to Biblical stories as well. Your Red Riding Hood is very Eve-like - failing to do as she's told, picking apples, etc.
I don't think that your characters are subverted archetypes, though. In fact, they end up playing exactly to type, as the action of the original fairy tale begins to repeat itself. There are lots of other options for rewriting this tale. I wonder if you've considered having Red Riding Hood prey upon the wolf? Perhaps the wolf is a neurotic, misunderstood vegetarian?
You're writing needs a little tightening up, too. For example, the mother's first bit of dialogue doesn't read very well, because you use the word 'now' too many times. However, these are not major criticisms. I thought that the piece was really great fun to read. Well done!
Helen
oh my i think i misread the task... i didnt realise that it was meanta b SUBVERTED lol... ill repost n dedraft soon :)
ReplyDeleteHey Sugadust,
ReplyDeleteI think that your story is really charming. Your dialogue is very good, it gives me a visual idea of the scene aswell. My only criticisms are that the characters are not quite subverted enough, you have updated the language but you havent changed the fundamental aspects of the archetypes. Also i would really like you to lengthen it so i could get more of a feel of what the characters are like.
all in all, this is really charming with alot of potential.
Hi,
ReplyDeleteIt's great you posted early because this has great potential for revision. The title is wonderful - poetic both in its rhythm and alliteration. I also like the dark humour of the constantly ailing grandmother.
As Helen said, the Angela Carter book is well worth looking at. You might also look at the original Brothers Grimm tale "Little Red Cap" - very gruesome. In your ealier work you've shown a deep understanding of the darker side of life which you could apply here.
As for revision, you might think of making it a contemporary tale. Your main theme of child safety is a hot topic right now.
I agree that some of your dialogue needs tightening. Try to avoid repetition and any words that aren't necessary as they detract from the undeniable power your previous prose displays.
The ending is a bit tame. Look again at your piece "Hating to love". The ending is clever and punchy. Think on similar lines how the betraying wolf would be able to truly trick someone he's hurt.
Looking forward to seeing more.