(Young girl flicking through a teenage magazine on her bed)
Yep. The problem page. This, to me, is the only place that I fit in. The 'problem' section. My whole life seems to be a problem at the moment. Infact I am the problem. The girls in the magazines live the simple life. They're beautiful, they always look good. I wish I was like that. The girls in my school are like that. Beautiful. Another place that I don't fit in. While their hair is silky and shiny, mines rusty and matted.
They've given me a few personal nicknames. 'Ginger Minger' or 'Dot to Dot' referring to my fire-freckled face. 'He' thinks I'm beautiful though. Just like the girls in the magazines; and the girls in my school.
(Edges over to the mirror, dragging her fingers through her tangled hair and rubbing at her face with her stubby fingers)
Nobody thinks of me the same way 'He' does. Whatever though yano? I know they won't even appreciate my...unusual features. (Tears coming to her eyes) I've never been accepted into a group in my life, but there's no need for them to take that concept and beat me until I forget it, and leave bruises and scars that will bring me back to reality for the rest of my life. Throwing me to the floor, (imitating violent actions) stamping on me and kicking me until they drain me emotionally and physically. Underscoring my diverse ways. (Crying and looking over to a blurry shiny metal on her bedside table) 'He' never fails me. He buys me red ribbons and ties them beautifully around my wrists, calming me, relieving my pain. My saviour, lover and carer.
(It becomes clear that it is a knife, and she edges over to it) He doesn't think I'm ugly.
Hi Care.Bear,
ReplyDeleteThanks for posting this. I think the piece works much better in its new, sleeker form. You've really made an effort to streamline your work by cutting out some of the themes, and I think the result is pretty good. The central themes stand out, and there is a greater degree of clarity.
I think that the new opening works really nicely. The magazine acts as a trigger for the character's thoughts, and I like the idea that she sees herself as confined to the problem pages, whilst everybody else gets to roam free across the fashion spreads and glossy adverts.
Good work!
Helen
I agree. This is absolutely brilliant. I still reckon "until they drain me emotionally and physically" is too wordy for this piece of drama, but, other than that, I reckon this is pretty flawless. Very well done indeed. Seriously impressive. :)
ReplyDeleteOoooooh chilling!
ReplyDeleteI loved it :) the ending was especially successful as you managed to maintain the mystery. Beautiful matephor of the blood! The gaps, the silences, leaving things unsaid makes the reader's job even more challenging (and enjoyable), as they are no longer the passive recipients of narrative, they are active, having to use their imaginations.
Well Done
Dani