(Girl and boy our of breath in desperate need of air at the same time frantically trying to open the door)
Mark: (impatiently) COME ON, WE DON'T HAVE TIME. OPEN THE GODDAMN DOOR WOMAN.
Stacey: (sobbing) I'M TRYING MARK, I'M TRYING.
Mark: OBVIOUSLY YOU'RE NOT TRYING HARD ENOUGH.
(Mark pushes away Stacey and snatches for the big bundle of keys and tries each one clumsily)
Mark: This is ridiculous, pathetic. (Looks behind him and all around) Useless girl, stop your crying you incompetent fish and HELP ME OUT?
Stacey: STOP SHOUTING AT ME... I DON'T LIKE IT WHEN YOU SHOUT.
Mark: Argh.... (looks at watch with a shocked look). OH FOR FUCK SAKE. LOOK AT WHAT YOU'VE GONE AND DONE NOW.... WE'VE MISSED DOCTOR WHO!... bloody door.
Mark: Argh.... (looks at watch with a shocked look). OH FOR FUCK SAKE. LOOK AT WHAT YOU'VE GONE AND DONE NOW.... WE'VE MISSED DOCTOR WHO!... bloody door.
Hi Fizzy
ReplyDeleteHmmm... I have come to write this blog after watching Dr Who just now on download, and oddly enough, I suppose I could ask why your character does not do this or inded watch it the next night on BBC3. But never mind!
If this scene is a parody of the figures in the painting - because, they look the least likely types to ever WANT to watch Dr Who - then this whole piece needs to be longer, stronger and a whole lot funnier.
Perhaps there could be more of a struggle to get inside to make sure they catch at least some of the programme. There could be more arguing and more desperation to get in. He could berate her more about why they are so late home.
There could even be some real life fantstical event/intergalactic war/Dalek, Cyberman, Sontaran invasion(the list is endless) going on behind the two of them and he fails to see it because he is so desperate to get into his own house to watch a sci-fi fantasy on tv.
Or if you wanted to be serious, something important could be going on in reality where he is, but he prefers the retreat into fantasy.
This is if you decide to keep this Dr Who ending. I think it can only work if the whole piece were a massive parody with lots of ridiculous humour in it. I don't know if there is much mileage in making this serious because your character wouldn't be taken seriously with his need to get in to see Dr Who, and the Dr Who brand is so well known, it is difficult to have it objectively in a serious piece of work. So perhaps you could go with making this a humorous piece??
But have a go! You might succeed! Russell T Davies seems to have!!
Hope this helps.
Best wishes
ann g
I really think this is a wasted opportunity. It may be snappy and funny, but I am not convinced it EITHER takes account in the slightest of the nuances of Hopper's painting itself OR demonstrates even a tiny proportion of the potential you indubitably have.
ReplyDeleteIf a task is worth doing, it is worth doing to the absolute best of your ability - and, although I am loath to be too critical, I really think this is a disappointment. Ann did well to provide such a helpful set of comments, but I am not sure I can think of much else to say but: please do it again? If you are not sure how to approach it, have a look through the other attempts, most of which are quite inspired (as you are perfectly capable of being yourself). OK? :)