Descriptive Writing
There I was standing, the whistling wind rushing through my hair. The golden sand flowing from in between my toes. The senecio mandraliscae plant swaying left and right, enjoying the harmless wind that blows upon it. My tight knitted skirt, homemade by my grandma, waving around my bruised legs like crazy.
The sad looking camel with its unusual 3 humps, staring at me like I’m the only person on the planet. All I could do was stare back at how lonely the poor animal was, like me. I wish I could just go and hug the suffering, solitary, gloomy looking poor creature, of god’s existence.
Yellow jacket wasps flying around the empty place, looking for their prey, never giving up. The scorpions weaving in and out of the fortunate sand, looking for a friend. The kingsnake chomping on the last coral snake he could hunt down. The horned lizard looking for some juicy ants to grind into its rumbling stomach, to stop the gurgling noise.
The hut I once lived in broken down into smithereens, I wouldn’t need that now! No shadow of my family is left, not a soul. My childhood memory’s stuck underneath the dusty rubble.
There I was standing, wishing I could be part of a family again, wishing me and my friends could reunite again, I wish, I wish, I wish! I closed my eyes and wished as hard as I could!
Hey Aniqa Younis
ReplyDeleteThis is an excellent piece of creative writing as it contains very powerful imagery so well done.
There are a few examples i particularly like - "The golden sand flowing from in between my toes." -"The horned lizard looking for some juicy ants to grind into its rumbling stomach, to stop the gurgling noise."-particularly effective :)
I also think the way you set the scene straight from the start works really well in setting the mood of the character,later introduced.the lonely animals and deserted desert suggest seclusion and solitude which is exactly how your character feels.
Finaly i think the last two lines of the 4th paragraph sum up the character really well and are really well placed.
However i feel there should be more background information about the character herself as it would give uas a better understanding of her past.
I also like the way you started your ending and 1st paragraphs the same but was this done purposely?
as i feel you could have began the last paragraph with "There I was standing, the whistling wind rushing through my hair."
Overall though
a really well written piece which was enjoyable to read
take care
Sparky