Wings give you a sense of freedom. Flying in the air with no borders to stop where you are going. No one to tell you what to do, boss you around. You are your own boss. You are your own captain flying a plane that is your body. Steering and controling it.
Wings give you the power to go wherever you want whenever you want. Flying high up in the sky, as free as a bird. Reaching for the skies to escape all the misery that life holds for you, just for a second. To get a taste of freedom.
Hi Crazylike_woah, happy new year!
ReplyDeleteThis is a very deep and poetical piece of writing... but it's not a story. There are no characters, there is no action. Even with the tiny 100-word-count, you still need to fit these things into your writing to make it a story.
Just from reading the concept you have discribed in your piece, I could come up with various situations and stories to which this could apply.
What you have written seems to be the underlying 'theme' a piece of writing may uncover, but it is as though you have done all the work for the reader: you have told them what the story is about without telling a story.
Let me try to explain myself using an example.
You talk of wings giving you freedom, letting you become your own boss. How could you incorporate this 'theme' into a story? How about you write a story in which an employee is sitting in the airport with a ticket in her hand. She reflects on how she hates her job, and wants to get on the plane to fly far away from the misery of her current life. But fear of the unknown is making her hesitate.
Right away we have a character, with a conflict (an internal conflict), and yet the reader is also aware of the underlying 'theme' of flying/wings as a means of freedom and escape, without being told directly.
Of course, the ending would be whether or not she gets on the plane.
So, even though you have written a nice piece here, it seems to me that you have expressed a THEME of a story, without an actual STORY present.
Does this make sense?
Hey – sorry for the late posting of this.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Sophie – there’s strong, enticing writing in this, but unfortunately there’s little or no narrative. I like the idea of “flying a plane that is your body”, and this could be an effective metaphor for so many things – literal dreams, aspirations, life itself. But why is the speaker so fond of flying? He or she clearly has real wings, not metaphorical ones: the sense I get is of an Icarus figure, or perhaps the personification of a bird. What needs to be established a little more clearly is who the speaker is – this doesn’t have to be explicitly pointed out, (as in “I am a bird”!), but at least needs to be hinted at.
The other thing we need is a narrative progression of some sort. In order to have a story, something – anything, really – needs to have changed by the end of the piece. Perhaps the speaker here is saddened because he or she is no longer able to fly; maybe it points to thwarted childhood dreams, an old person looking back on their youth, a friendship that allows the speaker to escape reality. It’s your choice – what do you feel is the story behind this piece?
I’d be interested in reading a developed piece – the sense of flying is acutely realised, but we need a sense of character, too.
Looking forward to your next piece.