(Two dwarfs were sitting CALMLY, on there little dwarf stools in there dwarf cottage, only they were screaming, and breaking plates on each others head.)
Screamy: (Screaming) Oh my bloody... Gosh (Hitting another plate on Shouty's head)
Shouty: Owch!! Bloody hell that hurt! (smashes another one on Screamy's head)
Screamy: How could you let the Prince out of your Sight! (Smashes two plates on Shouty's head)
Shouty: He walked away. His legs were longer than mine-God damn it ( Through's a plate like a Frisbee but misses...)
Screamy: He can't of just walked away Snow White needs him she's still knocked out!
Shouty: It wasn't my fault! (Frisbee's another plate and hits Screamy in the stomach.)
Screamy: F*** ! (Clutches his stomach. Jumps on a chair and and jumps smashing a plate on Shouty's head. Now there are no more plates so they use fists.)
Shouty: He walked away there was nothing I could do!
Screamy:Snowy is still in F****** Consumption.
Shouty: Then she should have learned rule number 1: Don't take Apples from Strangers
Screamy: She thought she was doing a good deed
Shouty: And in rule number 1: It also says don't Bloody take a red ones as well - that's bloody dangerous!
(After about 5 minuets the dwarfs are tired out and sit down with a glass of water each. And are still screaming at each other.)
Screamy: This was your fault!
Shouty:No it wasn't! (Kicks Screamy under the table. Screamy looses it...)
Screamy:RARRRGH!!! ( Climbs on a table and starts smacking Shouty in the face while screaming)
(After 2 minuets the fight has ended and somehow both dwarfs had managed to tie them self up with a meter of string)
Showing posts with label giggles. Show all posts
Showing posts with label giggles. Show all posts
Sunday, 6 April 2008
Wednesday, 19 March 2008
Task 22 again
(This is set in a care home, with a social worker:Sharon, and a very difficult child: Orange.)
Sharon: Hey Orange, want do you want to do today?
Orange: No, I’ve got better things to do than hang out with you.
Sharon: Hey don’t say that to me, what are you doing anyway?
Orange: stealing Peter’s flute.
Sharon: Orange, you shouldn’t do that, what are you writing?
Orange: A plan to wet you.
Sharon: Really, how interesting, tell me about it.
Orange: Ok, umm, well when you go out to your car to go home, I come out with a hose and soak you to pieces, hahahahaha!
Sharon: That’s not nice Orange, why do you want to wet me?
Orange: I don’t like you.
Sharon: Why? I like you, you’re my friend.
Orange: How stupid can you get? Sharon you’re a geek hahaha!
Sharon: Orange, That’s horrible, apologise
Orange: You joking you little silly cow.
Sharon: Don’t be so rude, apologise now.
Orange: No
Sharon: Yes
Orange: (Angrier) NO
Sharon: (Firmly) YES!
Orange: (Yells) NOOOOO!
Sharon: Yes Orange Now!
(Orange starts to cry and attack Sharon.)
Sharon: Orange, Stop it now, get off me, NOW, Orange, Stop IT! (Slaps Orange)
Orange: You little B****
Sharon: Apologise, Orange, listen to me now.
Orange: Bloody hell, it’s just a word, Sharon, oh my giddy gosh! Don’t wet yourself
Sharon: Excuse me! What did you just say to me?
Orange: I said; Bloody hell, it’s just a word, Sharon, oh my giddy gosh! Don’t wet yourself!
Sharon: Orange, don’t say that to me, I’m your social worker.
Orange: And a crap one to!
Sharon: Orange, please can you stop this, Where are you going?
Orange: Getting a hose.
Sharon: Wait
(Sharon Follows Orange outside.)
Orange: Turn round Sharon; I’m going to give you a present.
Sharon: Only if you apologise to me.
Orange: Okey dokey
Sharon: What’s the word?
Orange: What the ‘S’ word?
Sharon: Yes.
Orange: Ok, S***
Sharon: Not that word Orange!
Orange: What the hell do you mean?
Sharon: Sorry! That word! Ok!
Orange: Oh, Thank you Sharon, I knew you would come around.
Sharon: Orange, NO you say that to me.
Orange: Ok, just turn around.
Sharon: Fine.
(Turns around and folds her arms. Sighs)
Orange: Ok, Look!
(Wets Sharon with a hose.)
Sharon: Orange, Come back here, NOW!!!!!
(Orange, runs away and Sharon chases her.)
Sharon: Hey Orange, want do you want to do today?
Orange: No, I’ve got better things to do than hang out with you.
Sharon: Hey don’t say that to me, what are you doing anyway?
Orange: stealing Peter’s flute.
Sharon: Orange, you shouldn’t do that, what are you writing?
Orange: A plan to wet you.
Sharon: Really, how interesting, tell me about it.
Orange: Ok, umm, well when you go out to your car to go home, I come out with a hose and soak you to pieces, hahahahaha!
Sharon: That’s not nice Orange, why do you want to wet me?
Orange: I don’t like you.
Sharon: Why? I like you, you’re my friend.
Orange: How stupid can you get? Sharon you’re a geek hahaha!
Sharon: Orange, That’s horrible, apologise
Orange: You joking you little silly cow.
Sharon: Don’t be so rude, apologise now.
Orange: No
Sharon: Yes
Orange: (Angrier) NO
Sharon: (Firmly) YES!
Orange: (Yells) NOOOOO!
Sharon: Yes Orange Now!
(Orange starts to cry and attack Sharon.)
Sharon: Orange, Stop it now, get off me, NOW, Orange, Stop IT! (Slaps Orange)
Orange: You little B****
Sharon: Apologise, Orange, listen to me now.
Orange: Bloody hell, it’s just a word, Sharon, oh my giddy gosh! Don’t wet yourself
Sharon: Excuse me! What did you just say to me?
Orange: I said; Bloody hell, it’s just a word, Sharon, oh my giddy gosh! Don’t wet yourself!
Sharon: Orange, don’t say that to me, I’m your social worker.
Orange: And a crap one to!
Sharon: Orange, please can you stop this, Where are you going?
Orange: Getting a hose.
Sharon: Wait
(Sharon Follows Orange outside.)
Orange: Turn round Sharon; I’m going to give you a present.
Sharon: Only if you apologise to me.
Orange: Okey dokey
Sharon: What’s the word?
Orange: What the ‘S’ word?
Sharon: Yes.
Orange: Ok, S***
Sharon: Not that word Orange!
Orange: What the hell do you mean?
Sharon: Sorry! That word! Ok!
Orange: Oh, Thank you Sharon, I knew you would come around.
Sharon: Orange, NO you say that to me.
Orange: Ok, just turn around.
Sharon: Fine.
(Turns around and folds her arms. Sighs)
Orange: Ok, Look!
(Wets Sharon with a hose.)
Sharon: Orange, Come back here, NOW!!!!!
(Orange, runs away and Sharon chases her.)
Monday, 17 March 2008
Task 22- Aero bubbles
Katie: You know aero chocolate bar?
Eve: Yeah...
Katie: Have you felt the bubbles melt?
Eve: Katie is you nuts or something?
Katie: I don’t think they have nuts in there do they?
Eve: How long will this take to get through your thick skull man?
Katie: Well (offended) I just asked you if felt the bubbles melt and you got all huffy on me!
Eve: Ok, ok yes I can feel the bubbles bloody melt in an aero bar, ok you happy.
Katie: NO! (Crying) I can’t!
Eve: What? Katie man no point crying about it you must be joking!
Katie: It’s not fair. (Hits eve hard.)
Eve: What the hell Katie, its bloody chocolate bar! Ok it doesn’t matter about the bubbles
Katie: Then, why? Eve did they write it on the packet, Look, look it clearly says: Can You feel the bubbles melt? And I can’t? WHY?
Eve: So you think I know the obvious answer then?
Katie: Clearly! (Shouting)
Eve: (quietly and calmly) Katie can I ask you something?
Katie: What? (Rudely)
Eve: (yelling) what is it with you and aero bubbles?
Katie: (sobbing) They Lied to me Eve, has anyone ever done that to you before? Eve hurt you from the inside?
Eve: (sarcastically) No of course not, I know, I feel your pain...
Katie: Thank god, eve you know how I feel!
Eve: Shut up you doughnut!
Katie: See even your lying to me!
Eve: Look Katie takes another one and see if you can feel the bubbles melt...
Katie: Eve.
Eve: yes
Katie: You know aero chocolate bars?
Eve: (coldly) yes.
Katie: Can you feel the bubbles melt?
Eve: Yeah...
Katie: Have you felt the bubbles melt?
Eve: Katie is you nuts or something?
Katie: I don’t think they have nuts in there do they?
Eve: How long will this take to get through your thick skull man?
Katie: Well (offended) I just asked you if felt the bubbles melt and you got all huffy on me!
Eve: Ok, ok yes I can feel the bubbles bloody melt in an aero bar, ok you happy.
Katie: NO! (Crying) I can’t!
Eve: What? Katie man no point crying about it you must be joking!
Katie: It’s not fair. (Hits eve hard.)
Eve: What the hell Katie, its bloody chocolate bar! Ok it doesn’t matter about the bubbles
Katie: Then, why? Eve did they write it on the packet, Look, look it clearly says: Can You feel the bubbles melt? And I can’t? WHY?
Eve: So you think I know the obvious answer then?
Katie: Clearly! (Shouting)
Eve: (quietly and calmly) Katie can I ask you something?
Katie: What? (Rudely)
Eve: (yelling) what is it with you and aero bubbles?
Katie: (sobbing) They Lied to me Eve, has anyone ever done that to you before? Eve hurt you from the inside?
Eve: (sarcastically) No of course not, I know, I feel your pain...
Katie: Thank god, eve you know how I feel!
Eve: Shut up you doughnut!
Katie: See even your lying to me!
Eve: Look Katie takes another one and see if you can feel the bubbles melt...
Katie: Eve.
Eve: yes
Katie: You know aero chocolate bars?
Eve: (coldly) yes.
Katie: Can you feel the bubbles melt?
Wednesday, 5 March 2008
task 20
(Susan Gates is a twenty-five year old maid in a stately country home sitting on the steps outside on the porch when police officers are checking her room of evidence against the death of Hamish Jones.)
Well what am I meant to say, really... the idiot should have died anyway thank god, or I would have stuck the bloody knife in him myself if no one else would have done it!
Hamish wasn’t a nice bloke, he thought he ‘coulda’ get the better of women, he thought god created us; just to give him children, but hell no! He weren’t gonna get the better of me! I might be a English maid like the rest but, Hamish, no-no, Hamish was just, different to other men, I don’t really know what singled him out to the rest of the other blokes, but he properly just, I ‘dunno’, took advantage over women than the rest that ‘sorta thing’. He was drunk a lot, so he tried to touch your bottom and that sick ‘sorta’ thing... he didn’t really do it to me as I’m not that pretty, compared to Lucy Grange, with blue eyes and long blond hair, Me, I have big round glasses , lots of huge blotchy freckles, a horrible bobbed hair cut and a fat tummy, and I ‘gotta’ say that the cigarettes and the baileys won’t do much good, but I’m twenty-five and have police in my room searching my draws- For evidence! Ha, probably just ‘wanna’ good look around.
Well for one thing I know, that I had no intentions of killing the gerk than anyone else, and whoever did it I would kiss ‘dem’ a thousand times, but who wants to kiss me apart from a dead man!
(Looks round and snarls at the police sergeants who looked at her out of the window.)
Well what am I meant to say, really... the idiot should have died anyway thank god, or I would have stuck the bloody knife in him myself if no one else would have done it!
Hamish wasn’t a nice bloke, he thought he ‘coulda’ get the better of women, he thought god created us; just to give him children, but hell no! He weren’t gonna get the better of me! I might be a English maid like the rest but, Hamish, no-no, Hamish was just, different to other men, I don’t really know what singled him out to the rest of the other blokes, but he properly just, I ‘dunno’, took advantage over women than the rest that ‘sorta thing’. He was drunk a lot, so he tried to touch your bottom and that sick ‘sorta’ thing... he didn’t really do it to me as I’m not that pretty, compared to Lucy Grange, with blue eyes and long blond hair, Me, I have big round glasses , lots of huge blotchy freckles, a horrible bobbed hair cut and a fat tummy, and I ‘gotta’ say that the cigarettes and the baileys won’t do much good, but I’m twenty-five and have police in my room searching my draws- For evidence! Ha, probably just ‘wanna’ good look around.
Well for one thing I know, that I had no intentions of killing the gerk than anyone else, and whoever did it I would kiss ‘dem’ a thousand times, but who wants to kiss me apart from a dead man!
(Looks round and snarls at the police sergeants who looked at her out of the window.)
Sunday, 24 February 2008
Task 20
(All alone in the cellar, a fourteen year old girl is crying in a scrunched up ball in the corner with whip marks on her back, as loss of her other and living with her cruel aunt.)I lived with my aunt for two days now and I can’t bring myself to eat or drink. My face is pale and my eyes are red due to the lack of sleep and my wails for my dead parents. It weren’t fair that they were taken so quickly from me...died in a car crash and left me here in a dark small space with the woman upstairs getting that cane or whip to beat me again. (Rubs eyes and fidgets, stares at the cold bread and water or a metal plate)
So my parents didn’t come home that night, it was my birthday as well, hmm. IT WASN’T FAIR! IT WASN’T FAIR!!! (Footsteps outside and a screams of yelling)
Well I better shut up now, or she’ll unlock the door. (Footsteps fade away up the creaky stair.) Thank god, she’s gone, Thank the lord. (Sighs of relief, crawls to the cold bread a slips the stale water. Looking carefully at the door.) It feels so filling to eat something again but better not eat a lot or she’ll hit me for being so greedy and not so less or she’ll hit me for being so ungrateful.
Well I better shut up now, or she’ll unlock the door. (Footsteps fade away up the creaky stair.) Thank god, she’s gone, Thank the lord. (Sighs of relief, crawls to the cold bread a slips the stale water. Looking carefully at the door.) It feels so filling to eat something again but better not eat a lot or she’ll hit me for being so greedy and not so less or she’ll hit me for being so ungrateful.
I never was a Christian but now I pray every day to see light and my dear mother’s face, (Tear drops down her face as she looks down in despair.)So if you hear me out god, yeah, you were able to take my parents and I don’t care if you can take me but help me please, please, please, Hear me out take me out of here in anyway. Please-I beg you!
(She cries and wails with pain, footsteps patter down the stairs, she covers her mouth in horror as the door opens.)
Tuesday, 5 February 2008
The knew and improved:Task 19-Not a good love
He keep me company when i'm alone.
His face lights up just like a happy child
He teases me and I get cross and mad
He tells me that he was only joking.
But then I see him kiss another girl
He tells me that it's not what it looks like
I don't want to know and I don't listen
I feel it's injustice and i'm angry
He tells me that he's not my valentine
Because he likes some ugly different girl.
I told him to stuff his sorries for good
The trash was taken out and and i'm OK!
I heard he's going out with a new girl
I hope, that she dumped him cos he's a fool.
Sunday, 27 January 2008
Task 18
The London towers build up to the sky
On roads and motorways the cars travel.
Canarywharf is the tallest building
At night the lights all come on
The city buzz grows quiet
As people race home to sleep
The river thames glitters at night time
Theatres and restaurants bring people in
Hustle and bustle is everywhere
Fight your way through the crowds
Have a drink in the pub
Everyone is always racing around
Never a moment to stop and think
Even when quiet there's always a sound
After work friends all meet up for a drink
Oxford Street is manic all the crowds push and shove
Find your way on the tube, don't get lost
This is a beautiful city that many love
Never mind the problems and the cost.
On roads and motorways the cars travel.
Canarywharf is the tallest building
At night the lights all come on
The city buzz grows quiet
As people race home to sleep
The river thames glitters at night time
Theatres and restaurants bring people in
Hustle and bustle is everywhere
Fight your way through the crowds
Have a drink in the pub
Everyone is always racing around
Never a moment to stop and think
Even when quiet there's always a sound
After work friends all meet up for a drink
Oxford Street is manic all the crowds push and shove
Find your way on the tube, don't get lost
This is a beautiful city that many love
Never mind the problems and the cost.
Friday, 28 December 2007
The man on Christmas day
Task 17
1:From the North Pole he comes down the chimney,
Has come to give presents to girls and boys
He is an old man who rides on his sleigh
2:Father Christmas has come tonight
He knows when we are very bad
Better not be naughty today!
3:We like to leave him his favourite drink
Through the night he’s working a tight shift
Off he goes to the next house he flows
4:So when its dark he’ll come
To fill your stocking up
And make sure your day’s good
5:Sometimes we write a note and put it in the fireplace
So that he knows what to get
So on Christmas day we’ll have a happy face
So is it a toy or, a pet?
Has come to give presents to girls and boys
He is an old man who rides on his sleigh
2:Father Christmas has come tonight
He knows when we are very bad
Better not be naughty today!
3:We like to leave him his favourite drink
Through the night he’s working a tight shift
Off he goes to the next house he flows
4:So when its dark he’ll come
To fill your stocking up
And make sure your day’s good
5:Sometimes we write a note and put it in the fireplace
So that he knows what to get
So on Christmas day we’ll have a happy face
So is it a toy or, a pet?
6:So where did saint Nick come from?
And who makes all the toys?
So here’s a tale of my friend Tom.
Who questioned Santa and turned to an adult from a boy.
So in bleak December
You can’t say on the twenty four at lay
That it feels like November
So on the twenty fifth-its blooming Christmas day!
Wednesday, 5 December 2007
Task 16
Last night on the 15Th of October 2007 was the night Joanne Bingley and Derek Fortatude divorced leaving there children with Katherine Bingley for the night as the court case was taking place in Hertford Court on Liverpool Street.
Joanne told us: "We were all happy families until I met her, I won't name names because I am not like that (glares viciously at Derek). He saw her more and more until every night he came home late I knew where he was as it was quite bait."
Derek Fortatude said nothing in defences.
The Jury was becoming more and more frustrated because the normally should sign divorce papers but there was a jam in the waiting list and was forced into court.
There was a break half way through were we got an interview with the Judge:
"Do you believe any of the participants?"
"I believe Joanne more because she has more to say and complain about than Derek Fortaude, as he said nothing when she made her statement, so I think the Jury will believe her more than Derek."
So there we are the court judgement will be made next Wednesday, there is completely no romance or love in this couple its just a "Dry Stone" as Joanne told us, during the interview.
From Helena Redbridge
Hertford Court.
Joanne told us: "We were all happy families until I met her, I won't name names because I am not like that (glares viciously at Derek). He saw her more and more until every night he came home late I knew where he was as it was quite bait."
Derek Fortatude said nothing in defences.
The Jury was becoming more and more frustrated because the normally should sign divorce papers but there was a jam in the waiting list and was forced into court.
There was a break half way through were we got an interview with the Judge:
"Do you believe any of the participants?"
"I believe Joanne more because she has more to say and complain about than Derek Fortaude, as he said nothing when she made her statement, so I think the Jury will believe her more than Derek."
So there we are the court judgement will be made next Wednesday, there is completely no romance or love in this couple its just a "Dry Stone" as Joanne told us, during the interview.
From Helena Redbridge
Hertford Court.
Thursday, 22 November 2007
Rafta rafta Task 15
Atul
Sensitive inside
Strong with mother sad with dad
Playfulness he lacks
Eeshwar
Rythme is his dance
Mighty fist but weak in head
Has good bu false heart
Lopa
Mind is in the past
Worries about groom and bride
She's sick with husband
Jai
Hopless romantic
Chats up Vina with some pride
Gifts will make them stay
Vina
Confused about men
Will she be a loyal wife
Wants more from her groom
Laxman
Protective father
Wants his little girl back home
Scared of her choices
Lata
Bigmouth with her voice
Thinks she can say anything
Jealous of her child
Sensitive inside
Strong with mother sad with dad
Playfulness he lacks
Eeshwar
Rythme is his dance
Mighty fist but weak in head
Has good bu false heart
Lopa
Mind is in the past
Worries about groom and bride
She's sick with husband
Jai
Hopless romantic
Chats up Vina with some pride
Gifts will make them stay
Vina
Confused about men
Will she be a loyal wife
Wants more from her groom
Laxman
Protective father
Wants his little girl back home
Scared of her choices
Lata
Bigmouth with her voice
Thinks she can say anything
Jealous of her child
Sunday, 11 November 2007
I need. I want. I love YOU (TASK 14)
I need you like the moon and the sun
I need you like icing on a bun
I need you like a drunk needs his rum.
I need you like a sister and a brother
I need you like you’re my mother
I need you like a poem needs its words
I need you like sky needs the birds
I need you like whisper that I heard
I need you like a bed and its cover
I need you like a woman and her lover
I need you like space and Earth
I need you for all money’s worth
I need you like a horse feels its turf
I need you
I want you like a fairy that wants to glow in the dark
I want you like a lucky tooth from a shark
I want you when I have fun and a laugh!
I want you like a room wants a view
I want hen an actor that wants his cue
I want you like a river wants it bends
I want you like a love letter which will send
I want you like a soldier wants to defend
I want you like the queen, civilised and posh
I want you like a car wants a regular wash.
I want you like the star wants the night
I want you like a boxing glove wants to fight
I want you like a teen that wants to be light.
I want you
I love you like family who loves you too
I love you like a cow who loves it’s moo
I love you like a Kanga who loves her Roo
Like winter loves the snow
And presents loves a ribbon bow.
I love you like a plaster loves scabs and bloods.
I love you like a hurricane that loves disastrous floods
I love you like a two year old that loves to jump in mud!
I love you like your my own
I love you like a king loves his throne.
I love you like shoe which loves its lace
I love you like a plane loves an exotic place
I love you like a silence loves a quiet space.
I love you.
I need you like icing on a bun
I need you like a drunk needs his rum.
I need you like a sister and a brother
I need you like you’re my mother
I need you like a poem needs its words
I need you like sky needs the birds
I need you like whisper that I heard
I need you like a bed and its cover
I need you like a woman and her lover
I need you like space and Earth
I need you for all money’s worth
I need you like a horse feels its turf
I need you
I want you like a fairy that wants to glow in the dark
I want you like a lucky tooth from a shark
I want you when I have fun and a laugh!
I want you like a room wants a view
I want hen an actor that wants his cue
I want you like a river wants it bends
I want you like a love letter which will send
I want you like a soldier wants to defend
I want you like the queen, civilised and posh
I want you like a car wants a regular wash.
I want you like the star wants the night
I want you like a boxing glove wants to fight
I want you like a teen that wants to be light.
I want you
I love you like family who loves you too
I love you like a cow who loves it’s moo
I love you like a Kanga who loves her Roo
Like winter loves the snow
And presents loves a ribbon bow.
I love you like a plaster loves scabs and bloods.
I love you like a hurricane that loves disastrous floods
I love you like a two year old that loves to jump in mud!
I love you like your my own
I love you like a king loves his throne.
I love you like shoe which loves its lace
I love you like a plane loves an exotic place
I love you like a silence loves a quiet space.
I love you.
Saturday, 20 October 2007
Happiness is...
Happiness is eternal bliss that hugs you all the way
Happiness is the fresh new flowers in the start of May.
Happiness is the colours the take away the grey
Happiness is...
Happiness is an iced cake with sprinkled sauce on top
Happiness is the red chillies that make your mouth go POP!
Happiness is the new shoes bought at the shop
Happiness is...
Happiness is the sun that glows on my skin
Happiness is going to church and taking away sin.
Happiness is finishing a quilt with only one pin in
Happiness is...
Happiness is the smile that touches the heart
Happiness is excitement you feel at the start
Happiness is the jam in a homemade tart
Happiness is...
Happiness is when people call you a friend
Happiness is the pleasure on presents you spend.
Happiness is a nice text message that you send
Happiness is...
Happiness is the fresh new flowers in the start of May.
Happiness is the colours the take away the grey
Happiness is...
Happiness is an iced cake with sprinkled sauce on top
Happiness is the red chillies that make your mouth go POP!
Happiness is the new shoes bought at the shop
Happiness is...
Happiness is the sun that glows on my skin
Happiness is going to church and taking away sin.
Happiness is finishing a quilt with only one pin in
Happiness is...
Happiness is the smile that touches the heart
Happiness is excitement you feel at the start
Happiness is the jam in a homemade tart
Happiness is...
Happiness is when people call you a friend
Happiness is the pleasure on presents you spend.
Happiness is a nice text message that you send
Happiness is...
Saturday, 29 September 2007
Debut
My heart pounded with excitement at the thought of getting up that high, climbing those hard steps to my goal.
It started to rain. The whistle blew. I started to climb, higher with each second.
It started to rain. The whistle blew. I started to climb, higher with each second.
Halfway, my throat choked as the hard pounding rain hit my helmet. I looked at the ground anxiously, I heard screaming and cheering as the first person reached the top of the rocks. Others followed five minutes later and I was still edging slowly to the top, hanging on for dear life. It felt forever, but I got to the top eventually.
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