The city lies below the weighty sky I watch while, the day passes by, Similar people go pass and stare I lay there with my mind bare, Staring at the beauty, The everlasting beauty Day darkens to night, That’s right A star So far.
Your first line is fantastic! Perfect iambic pentameter. And the sense of atmosphere in the rest of the poem is great too. Well done!
However, your grasp of iambic feet fades thereafter. Have a close look at it, clapping as you go, and see if you can work out where it goes wrong. Don't worry though - no one else has fully grasped it yet! :)
Also, be careful your poem always says what you want it to, without falling into any 'rhyme trap'. What is with your "far...star", for example?
Then beware the rhyme trap! Rhyming for the sake of it is always a mistake. The challenge is to make something rhyme AND make sense. Difficult but important nonetheless... :)
Your first line is fantastic! Perfect iambic pentameter. And the sense of atmosphere in the rest of the poem is great too. Well done!
ReplyDeleteHowever, your grasp of iambic feet fades thereafter. Have a close look at it, clapping as you go, and see if you can work out where it goes wrong. Don't worry though - no one else has fully grasped it yet! :)
Also, be careful your poem always says what you want it to, without falling into any 'rhyme trap'. What is with your "far...star", for example?
hehe i reli dno sir i jus wnted it 2 rhyme :D
ReplyDeletesadzzzzz lol bangladesh is reppin!! lol i guess im gna do my poem about b-desh aswell... xXx
ReplyDeleteThen beware the rhyme trap! Rhyming for the sake of it is always a mistake. The challenge is to make something rhyme AND make sense. Difficult but important nonetheless... :)
ReplyDelete