Saturday, 5 May 2007

My Place

My place is my own area, just mine
Amidst the chaos, I always feel fine
My books are there my clothes are here
My place is relaxed, not austere
Mum nags to clean it up
Clean a storm in a cup?
That’s possible?
Impossible!
My place.
My room.

1 comment:

  1. An outstanding attempt, and you manage what many have not, which is to include the right number of syllables in each line. However, like the others, the iambic rhythm is causing you problems. An iambic rhythm would stress your poem as follows:

    my PLACE is MY own AreA, just MINE
    aMIDST the CHAos I alWAYS feel FINE
    my BOOKS are THERE my CLOTHES are HERE
    my PLACE is RElaxed NOT ausTERE
    mum NAGS to CLEAN it UP
    clean A storm IN a CUP?
    that's POSSiBLE?
    imPOSSiBLE!
    my PLACE.
    my ROOM.

    Many of these lines are successfully iambic: 3, 5, 7-10.

    However, the remaining stress awkward syllables.

    This is a VERY difficult task. Well done you for getting the closest so far.

    Let's see what happens with Task 3...

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