The surrounding sleeps below temperate sun,
the sand positioned before the day is done.
Creatures swarm; they conceal for shade,
Only out to watch the sunshine fade.
Birds of prey see clearly,
food that they love dearly.
in the sky,
they do fly.
To eat,
fresh meat.
Like the others, a powerful evocation of place - but you don't seem to be clear of what constitutes iambic rhythm.
ReplyDeleteHave a look at my introductory post for Task 3, and see if that helps.
Some of your lines have too many syllables; and lots of them place the stress on awkward syllables (e.g. SURroundING - when it should be surROUNDing).
I know it's difficult - but persevere. As I said, look again at my posts, and at the others as well - and see if it becomes any easier...
ok sir... it was hardddd!!!
ReplyDelete