Robert: I can’t say that I’m shocked you were untrue.
Emma: the love we shared has passed its sell by date.
Robert: you tore my heart and now I’m filled with rue.
Emma: I longed to tell you but it was too late.
Robert: you went behind my back with my best friend!
Emma: he seemed to care more than you ever did.
Robert: for you I would have done a full back bend!
Emma: this pent up love you felt for me, you hid.
Robert: I see you are a cold hard stupid whore.
Emma: how dare you call me names it isn’t fair!
Robert: just pack your bags and walk straight out the door.
Emma: you fail to understand; see if I care.
Robert: please stay away and I will be okay.
Emma: I never wanted it to end this way.
sir i took all you said into account and tried to change it, but there was nothing i could do about the "full back bend" bit.
ReplyDeletei hope this attempt is better though :)
This is an outstanding redraft. Well done! Almost nearly there...! :)
ReplyDeleteAs for Line 7, how about this:
"I'd promised you devotion till the end"