My heart, my life, my world shattered. Tears flood my broken soul. To search, why, is such confusion. Pain is out of control. Fire of regret burns inside. Left here to bear your sin alone. The forgotten jewel in the shade.
An exceptionally powerful poem, but the METER is not quite there.
Remember, the poem should be: U/U/U/U/ U/U/U/ U/U/U/U/ U/U/U/ U/U/U/U/ U/U/U/ U/U/U/U/ U/U/U/
Line 1 is let down by the position of the word 'shattered'. Line 2 = perfect Line 3 is let down by the position of the word 'confusion' Line 4 = 'Pain is' seems to be more trochaic than iambic Line 5 = add an 'it' before 'burns' and this would be perfect Line 6 = perfect iambic tetrameter, but, in this task, the even lines are supposed to have THREE feet (and not FOUR) Line 7 = 'forgotten' is placed awkwardly Line 8 = Where is it???!!!
An exceptionally powerful poem, but the METER is not quite there.
ReplyDeleteRemember, the poem should be:
U/U/U/U/
U/U/U/
U/U/U/U/
U/U/U/
U/U/U/U/
U/U/U/
U/U/U/U/
U/U/U/
Line 1 is let down by the position of the word 'shattered'.
Line 2 = perfect
Line 3 is let down by the position of the word 'confusion'
Line 4 = 'Pain is' seems to be more trochaic than iambic
Line 5 = add an 'it' before 'burns' and this would be perfect
Line 6 = perfect iambic tetrameter, but, in this task, the even lines are supposed to have THREE feet (and not FOUR)
Line 7 = 'forgotten' is placed awkwardly
Line 8 = Where is it???!!!