Going hunting that’s all he ever does
look at me clinging onto him like glue;
I may as well have gone for the dogs.
Cupid isn’t helping much either
staggering around in the back.
My stark naked body is cold from fear,
yet warm with love...
I’m spellbound by this mortal,
yet my beautiful love refuses to stay.
“Him not returning” is my worst fear
but his heart is somewhere else.
My love is gone, I guess Cupids real job
is done...
kinda rushed and totally wrong i know ... i'm not really sure what i did ... lol :-)
ReplyDeleteits tooooo short aswel ini????
ReplyDeleteNot totally wrong at all! Don't be so harsh on yourself.
ReplyDeleteIt is very well done, and sounds just like the character looks like they are thinking.
And I like the juxtaposition of "cold with fear" with "warm with love"; and your last line is great too.
Best of all, as it has a bit of flair and 'personality' about it, is your sarcastic, slightly angry line - "I may as well have gone for the dogs". Brilliant!
Could it have been longer? Yes, probably. Better still would have been a similar length monologue also for Adonis - so we can see you putting yourself in BOTH their shoes, and contrasting them accordingly. Not too late, either, if you edited this post... :)
fnx sir...i'll think about it lol
ReplyDeleteyours is hevyyyy u noe its all bouutttt ur POEM lol
ReplyDelete