The Setting- Robert and Emmas house
Jerry- The very thing your manner won't conceal?
Robert- Don't talk too much old friend dont over-step
Jerry- Low self-esteem is what your dear wife feels
Robert- Dear chap my manhood's all I've ever kept
Jerry- She senses when she's here that she's alone
Robert- I keep a very vigour-ridden home
Jerry- She dosen't put it that way on the phone
Robert- it feels to me that you have raised your tone
Jerry- Dont change the subject, please we need to talk
Robert- I've had enough of you, don't criticise
Jerry- Perhaps we should just pop out for a walk
Robert- Could play some squash, but that would not be wise
Jerry- Why not? it could be fun to lark about?
Robert- Should we not invite Emma, won't she pout?
Firstly, congratulations on cracking the iambic pentameter THROUGHOUT your poem. Outstanding!!! Well done.
ReplyDeleteAnd the conversation flows remarkably fluidly, for a sonnet, which is another impressive achievement.
However, I am not sure about your final word: it is too easy a rhyme, and weakens the poem, at the one point when it must be powerful. Do you see what I mean?