There was up high for no one to see
A cage within freedom was bound,
Down below was a mother who prayed
For it to break free and come down.
Outside her door there was a vengeful city
In there was guilt and childhood as one
She had nowhere to run and could not hide from sorrow
So she cried up to freedom, it’d gone.
Why wont you set me free lord just show me
What life should be like, even prevail
If war was peace and peace was war, what would I have?
It seems love is of no ones avail.
It seemed now that in this age of love hate
That the latter had now won, and it seems
That it always will do, “Satan has stolen me”
At that moment a bright light beamed.
Please do not fear, your worries will be gone
Freedom had broken from its very cage
But you wouldn’t grant freedom entry, it flew away
Never seen again, twisted with age.
i really like the concept and idea behind this but i think you might like to take a look at the rhythym.
ReplyDeleteother than that,
great effort
I agree with okle: great poem; excellent narrative; sophisicated use of language (although double check how "avail" should be used). BUT... look again at the rhythm, and how well it fits my prescription in the original task.
ReplyDeleteShout if you don't know what I mean! :)