It was his first day. His mind was else where. Think, was this fair? The huge gates open up their mouth and told him to come in. He was the one they waited for. A strange sense went down to his toes.
He looked back, only to see there was no way back. Mothers and fathers kiss their child and said bye. He was the only one left. One step was what he had to take but how?
There it was the doors stared at him. He can’t give up and in he went for the day of his life.
Absolutely great. ;D
ReplyDeleteI think I can guess what the topic is. I love the ending; He went for the day of his life.
^^
Hey great piece of work
ReplyDeletealthough there was a 2 syllabel word in it Lol
other than that, i love it =]
Words: 100 = 5/5
ReplyDeleteSyllables: Good attempt, but a few too many words with more than one syllable: "open", "waited", "only", "mothers", "fathers", "only" = 0/5
Figurative language: Fantastic use of personification (on at least two occasions). Well done! Room for some similes too though? = 3/5
Auditory language: some subtle use of alliteration and rhyme (whether you meant to or not) = 2/5
Structure: strong sense of impending doom as we move closer to the end. (Just be careful with your tense: "kiss" and "can't" should both be past tense.) = 4/5
Overall 14/25
Well done - especially on your first attempt! :)