Atul Dutt
I am not enough
I love my wife dearly
Living as his ghost
Eeshwar Dutt
Maybe its my fault
Whisky drowns my sorrows
Pride is important
Lopa Dutt
They will never know
The secret kills inside
Family is life
Jai Dutt
My father is God
They dont understand me
I can give her more
Vina Patel
I wish he would talk
This isnt working out
I'm not my mother
Laxman Patel
Sense of loneliness
My daughter is my life
The past is haunting
Lata Patel
The love is long gone
Wishing for her to care
I feel defeated
Firstly, remember that the haiku syllable structure I suggested was 5-7-5, punk-rock-princess - whereas all of yours are 5-6-5. Any reason for that?
ReplyDeleteSyllables aside, there is some very incisive and perceptive characterisation here. And you have risen to the main challenge of the haiku which is CONCISENESS. Several of your lines stand out as exemplars of perfect conciseness, revealing SO much in SO few words: "I am not enough" "Family is life" "My father is God" "I'm not my mother" "The love is long gone" I still believe that conciseness is one of the most important skills for any writer, and here you demonstrate it with aplomb! :)
OMG!
ReplyDeleteIM SO DUMB!
I was proper counting on my fingers to make sure its 5-7-5 :@
This makes me angry..
Ok Im over it -.-