Prince has just rescued his beloved princess from an evil sorceress
Princess: I suppose so d-darling
Prince: [steps out of embrace] I’m sorry; I can’t go on with this façade any longer
Princess: You too?
Prince: [sighs] ever since I was a little boy all I’ve ever known is sword fighting and slaying dragons, in hopes that one day I’d rescue my one true love … my princess
Princess: I can relate; balancing books on my head and wearing tiaras practically summarises my life.
Prince: but hasn’t this cliché run a bit past it’s sell by date? Princess is in danger, prince rescues her, and they live happily ever after, the end
Princess: [nods in agreement] why do our parents find it so difficult to understand that the method our ancestors used to get engaged just doesn’t work these days, we’re perfectly capable of finding someone we want to marry by ourselves
Prince: I agree but who are we to change a tradition that’s been going on for hundreds of years; I don’t know about you, but last time I tried to rebel my father banished me to the dungeon of doom [shudders]
Princess: [chuckles] if I ever tried to rebel I think my mum would lock me in a chastity belt and throw away the key
Prince: [winces] why don't we try and confront our parents together?
Princess: erm... I don’t think I’m that brave
Prince: We’d have to convince them that we’re capable of finding our own partners; all we need is a chance
Princess: Or… we could give them an ultimatum – 12 months to get engaged or we marry each other
Prince: [Smirks] yeah, I think that might work because no offence but your not my type… now Cinderella, I’d slay a thousand dragons for her
Princess: [shoves him then shakes her head] idiot
This is great - and I love the way it goes wonderfully off course after a few lines. Their 'giving up' is fantastically comic and subversive - well done!
ReplyDeleteIf I were to give a couple of criticisms, I would probably say:
1. Your language is at times a little verbose and complex to read as convincing dialogue, especially after they have dropped their facade.
2. Your ending is disappointing, and a more satisfying climax would have been great.
(Oh, and being on time would have been good though).
Nonetheless, typical scarlet-kyuubi vivacity and originality! :)
Hi Scarlet
ReplyDeleteAgree mostly with english guru. I liked the way the facade was dropped and they became a couple of prim, safe, even dull and boring people! This could be brought out more - the difference between the expected and what they are really like as people.
The ending does need to be stronger. Something more needs to happen that shows these two people are not what others perceive them to be.
As for your dialogue - try reading it out loud! Then you will realise where the full stops, commas, etc need to go and what words are un-necessary!
Hope this helps
ann g