My sonnet (Begginer I aint even really sure I know what a sonnet is so please comment)
Briefly, I saw your smile in a crowd
The glance we shared will last until the end
But then my hopeful smile turned to a frown
I don't know if I'll see your face again.
I am forlorn and know not what to do
Because, in life, I'll never be with you.
Incase your wondering that sounds sort of like a song well your right its a sonnet about the song ' Your'e Beautiful ' by James Blunt.
Nahin,
ReplyDeleteNahin,
Welcome to Wordvoodoo! I’m so glad to see your first attempt at the sonnet, and I’m sure we’ll be seeing some pretty amazing things from you.
You have some great lines in here. I love your conclusion, “I am forlorn and know not what to do / Because, in life, I’ll never be with you.” It goes well with the tone of the rest of the poem, and, as the conclusion, it concludes your poem very nicely.
First off, the sonnet is a difficult poem to really get comfortable with. The rules are quite simple, but harder to actually apply. I know that Mr. Savage has outlined the rules of the sonnet under task 30 (I’m going to copy and paste because he outlines it so well):
I would like you to follow the following rules:
1. Your sonnet should consist of 14 lines only.
2. Each line should be written in iambic pentameter - i.e. 5 iambic (dee-DUM) feet.
3. Your poem should rhyme as follows: ababcdcdefefgg. Or, in other words, Lines 1 and 3 should rhyme, as should Lines 2 and 4, Lines 5 and 7, Lines 6 and 8 etc. And Lines 13 and 14 should rhyme with each other.
The simplest rule to follow is 14 lines, it keeps you at a limit if you’re struggling. You have six in your first attempt, so for the next task, do your best to make it 14 (it won’t be as hard as it may seem). Next, it seems you understand iambic meter, because it’s not just confined to the sonnet. Well done! And, as Mr. Savage shows, the sonnet rhyming scheme is ABAB CDCD EFEF GG, which can be difficult, but, once comfortable, it will be challenging and exciting.
Before concentrating on enjambment and caesura, I just suggest that you work on the sonnet, with 14 lines and the rhyming scheme, after that, I’m confident you can start on the other skills, but the sonnet alone can seem a difficult enough task.
I’d like to compliment you on having a clear inspiration and including it. Of course, for every task, you don’t need to include where the poem came from, but I like that it came from a song. I always try to call on my emotions, but sometimes it’s as simple as a James Blunt song. I’m glad you’re in-tune to your inspirations.
If you’re stuck with the rhyming skill, one suggestion I’ve made to all the poets, is to split up the sonnet into four stanza’s so that it looks like this:
A
B
A
B
C
D
C
D
E
F
E
F
G
G
I find that it helps you visualize which lines need to rhyme. I hope it helps!
I hope that these rules for sonnets make sense, if they don’t, please don’t hesitate in posting any questions.
Again, great to see your first post! Fantastic first attempt!
Genevieve
Hello Nahin, well done on a very good first attempt at the sonnet form. I'm not going to give you an in-depth analysis of the sonnet form as Genevieve has already presented a very comprehensive and helpful guide already, but as you're new to the blog I thought I'd just examine the aspects of your poem that I think work strongest and which you can build on for later exercises.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all I very much agree with Genevieve that you don't need to cite your influences, as a good poem stands on it's own merits. Admittedly I'm not familiar with James Blunt (if you'd written a sonnet about 'All Along the Watchtower' I would have had more to say on the matter) but I feel this poem very much does stand on it's own merits.
For a start you have written about an experience that everyone has had on a regular basis, feeling an emotional connection with a stranger and then lamenting the loss. Your strength lies in your ability to recreate the emotional journey that your narrator is taking; first of all your narrator is warmed by the smile, so much so that he / she believes the feeling will last eternally. Therefore the poem begins with certainty, but this seems to have been lost with the words, "hopeful smile", as one doesn't need to hope for something if they're certain of it. This lack of certainty continues with the next line, "I don't know if I'll see your face again" suggesting the continuing existence of hope that the two will meet again. By the end, however, even this small trace of hope has been erased and certainty has been restored, but while the poem began with certainty that the glance will eternally bring a smile to the narrator, it ends with a bitterness due to this not being enough. The poem therefore comes full circle and this gives the poem a very powerful concrete structure. The obvious shortcoming of your use of the sonnet form is that you have six lines rather than fourteen, but what you've written would make a very strong sestet, once you give it an EFEFGG rhyme scheme as Genevieve has outlined. I know that Matthew is planning to move away from the sonnet form from next week but I would urge you to continue practising it using the guidelines Matthew and Genevieve have laid down as this poem shows real potential,
Well done again,
Eoghan
Apart from your first line, Nahin, your iambic pentameter is perfect, and that's pretty impressive, you know! The others have given you guidance on the sonnet form (rhyme scheme/length of poem etc.) which, to be honest, is the easy stuff. So you are pretty much there. Your next challenge will be to experiment with enjambement and caesura (explained in earlier tasks). Why not try some sonnets of your own and email them directly to me for comments, by-passing the blog altogether - if only to build up your confidence and help you feel you have caught up with the others.
ReplyDeleteIn the meantime, good luck with Task 33! :)