1983 by David Peace
Peace’s extract contains some of the vital ingredients needed to make a crime story successful. His metaphoric referrals to the mother’s cries as reminiscent of an “animal” shows the in-born instinct within every (normally) civilised human being, only something horrifying or “hysterical” would be able to challenge their maternal instincts. He also purposely repeats the mother’s actions of “contorted and screaming and howling” on several occasions to portray the true feelings behind the already dehumanising mother, as well as trying to make it much more vivid and shocking to the reader. Perhaps the most interesting thing of his extract is his use of syntax, where from start to end there is no full stop at all until the end, forcing the reader to carry on at pace with the story which conveys the feelings of helplessness and anger radiating from the mother.
Spite
Your day has come, I promised you that old hag! Look at you, with your grizzly, greasy and grotesque serpents of keratin, Your infuriating, blue pierced eye which seems to twitch from side to side at the sight on any movement, your oh so pungent sacks of which you name “socks”, your satanic smile which seems to gleam with a dark green tinge, your outdated drapes of skin which seem to curdle at your very sight, and your apron! Oh your oh so valued apron, beaten and splattered with at least 240 different species of which you deem “food”, and I swear that at least half of them are older than me!
Look at you, with every command of “sweep it clean” and “keep it neat” you knew not the bounds of which you pushed my patience. Your constant cackles at my expense and your unbearably loud trumpeting snores; Dear Woman it drives me Crazy! As even the bible states “we know not what we do”, I do so agree with that phrase, yes…yes I know not what I do.
Just as I knew not what I did when I sent you off to Satan’s harsh demonic arms. Just the same as when I became that oh so desired servant which you so craved all these years, and did nothing ,for the three days you had left, to displease you or allow you to latch on to my cunning scheme. Yet the very moment before I did have you expire, I did have a mere flash of regret, just a flash. But I soon reminded myself of the horrors and tortures of which you expose me to every moment you are awake. Bah! You should not complain though old woman, my carrier bag accomplice did so enjoy contouring to the rough features of your gargoyle ridden face, and it’s ties did so enjoy mimicking the movement of the python’s and allowing you to suffer with your own breath. Yes woman, I had despised you, but please don’t judge me as to weigh me down with you to hell, for I merely Knew Not what I was doing.
life,
ReplyDeleteI think this is your best analysis yet. I’m very impressed with the language, with the structure and everything mechanical, and impressed too, with the analysis itself. You use very powerful language, and it makes it very authoritative and convincing. So very well done on part one.
I’ll start off with praising this piece for it is very fresh. It’s ambiguous, yet very detailed (we just don’t necessarily know who you’re describing). I like the first person narrative, and the emotion that is so evident in it. I also adore the bible mention, and then the total return to it at the end. It’s very effective to tie a story back together. It reminds the reader of the beginning. I think your style works for this as well; it’s disorganized just as is a person’s thoughts. The only thing you have to watch with that is that you don’t ignore grammar because of the style. Pay attention to the location and use of capital letters, and you have quite a few run-on sentences. And, as I say that, I think for many of those instances, the run-on’s are appropriate. But your first paragraph I think is simply too long of a run-on. So just throw in some grammar and it’s golden.
I think you use some great words; like “gargoyle” for example, and I think that you should just say “gargoyle face” instead of “gargoyle ridden face”, it illuminates the comparison even more.
I’m just very impressed with the emotion and the realness (of the emotion) that this piece has. Very well done there. Although I can’t relate to what the character is thinking, I can relate to that intense of a stream of consciousness, and obviously, relate-ability is important.
Well done life!
Genevieve
Hey,
ReplyDeleteGreat analysis of the extract; you've nicely identified the author's intent with the syntax, and I think that you're right to explore the idea of instinct in crime fiction.
Good opening.
Your day has come, I promised you that old hag...
It grabbed my attention to say the least. Be aware that 'old hag' is being used as a pronoun - or something -, so you should put a comma infront of it. Other than that - perfect.
I like the way you piled on the insults - it sounded frantic; you undermined the narrator while the narrator is attempting to assert themselves, so you really get their state of mind without explicitly talking about them being crazy - well done.
Be careful on meaning when you're piling stuff on, so:
outdated drapes of skin which seem to curdle at your very sight - could mean her skin is curdling at itself, which is weird.
Check through the meanings, but otherwise well done.
Take care,
Andy
Hi life,
ReplyDeleteTo echo the other moderators, great analysis! You give a really detailed, in depth description - super!
Now onto your own piece. You use a lot of description, and a lot of is is great! Be careful that you don't concentrate on just one aspect though, I'd like to know more about the relationship between the narrator and the 'old hag'. Is she his mother? Wife? Sister?
I like Bible reference, especially as you keep going back to it, and embellishing it with mentions of 'Satan' and 'gargoyles' - a really nice semantic field to work within.
I think you've captured a lot of emotion in your piece, which is great, so well done. I enjoyed reading it, and look forward to reading your next post!
Frances