I thought that the 4th excerpt was the most interesting one because of its layout. It kind of like gives a point example explanation using each paragraphs making an even bigger paragraph. Also usually when authors tend to go on they make you lose track, but this piece was different since it has the different mini points splitting the whole thing up making it seem small.
Part 2
The beginning of the end – contradictory but it still makes sense.
The End. The end is to be as glorious as the beginning. We have to finish with style as many would say. So the day started as normal – me struggling out of bed- I went to the bathroom and performed my daily rituals of having a shower, having breakfast and brushing my teeth. Everybody else was already up and full; but my dad was the only one who was fully ready. The rest of us got ready eventually; and as usual I was the last to wake up, but the first to get ready and to wait by the door. We finally got out and walked to the bus stop; but instead of the usual knowing where to go, this time we had no idea what we were doing next; I mean of course we knew that our final destination for that morning was to be ‘La Grande Mosque de Paris’ to pray the sacred Friday prayer, but how to get there was a mystery. So time went by and with a lot of help from people and signs we eventually reached the street on which the great mosque was; however we knew suddenly that there was something unusual going on, well for starters the police searched our bags before we down the street. Then we found out that the mosque was closed – why I hear you ask, well I don’t know, nobody knows to be honest; many stories but I doubt any are true- so we ended up going back the way we started.
The beginning of the end – contradictory but it still makes sense.
The End. The end is to be as glorious as the beginning. We have to finish with style as many would say. So the day started as normal – me struggling out of bed- I went to the bathroom and performed my daily rituals of having a shower, having breakfast and brushing my teeth. Everybody else was already up and full; but my dad was the only one who was fully ready. The rest of us got ready eventually; and as usual I was the last to wake up, but the first to get ready and to wait by the door. We finally got out and walked to the bus stop; but instead of the usual knowing where to go, this time we had no idea what we were doing next; I mean of course we knew that our final destination for that morning was to be ‘La Grande Mosque de Paris’ to pray the sacred Friday prayer, but how to get there was a mystery. So time went by and with a lot of help from people and signs we eventually reached the street on which the great mosque was; however we knew suddenly that there was something unusual going on, well for starters the police searched our bags before we down the street. Then we found out that the mosque was closed – why I hear you ask, well I don’t know, nobody knows to be honest; many stories but I doubt any are true- so we ended up going back the way we started.
* * * * * * * * * * *
The end of the end- you savor your last moments like they’re the only thing you could ever want.
When we got home my little sister could finally be let loose. My mother kept stressing; ‘we are going to be so late and your not even caring’ she said that as if she was about to cry. My dad only gave the soft reply of ‘everything is going to be fine, don’t worry honey, everything would go as God planned’; and on that note my cousin came in, as if playing a rehearsed scene. He came in with a look of determination in his face, ready for what he was going to do next.
When we got home my little sister could finally be let loose. My mother kept stressing; ‘we are going to be so late and your not even caring’ she said that as if she was about to cry. My dad only gave the soft reply of ‘everything is going to be fine, don’t worry honey, everything would go as God planned’; and on that note my cousin came in, as if playing a rehearsed scene. He came in with a look of determination in his face, ready for what he was going to do next.
* * * * * * * * * * *
You plan. God plans. And only what God plans becomes the future. – a famous Muslim saying
We had such luck with the bus and we found the train waiting for us at the station. Everything was going as planned, well that was until we reached the train’s third stop that‘s when everything started going wrong, the train would stop at each station for 10 minutes at least.
Then the worst thing happened when we got to the Eurostar station. We missed the train. The first thing that came to my head at that moment was ‘we were all planning to go to England that day, but it was God’s plan for us to stay one more night in France and in the end his way was our present then’ and my memory of France now.
We had such luck with the bus and we found the train waiting for us at the station. Everything was going as planned, well that was until we reached the train’s third stop that‘s when everything started going wrong, the train would stop at each station for 10 minutes at least.
Then the worst thing happened when we got to the Eurostar station. We missed the train. The first thing that came to my head at that moment was ‘we were all planning to go to England that day, but it was God’s plan for us to stay one more night in France and in the end his way was our present then’ and my memory of France now.
i tried to do a similar style to the author but i am not sure how i did
ReplyDeleteHi Capricorn93,
ReplyDeleteI'm pleased that you have tried to emulate the style that Zusak uses, and in some ways you have. You've got a quote, and some astericks to break up the text, but i think that you could have gone further. This task was a chance to be as crazy and inventive as you could possibly be, and whilst you've got a few stylistic touches, your story is entirely linear and altogether not that interesting. There's very few images, you haven't really concentrated on the senses, and no emotion from the narrators - only the mother when she nearly cries. And I'm a bit confused by the ending - it comes from nowhere, which can sometimes fit with a piece, but yours is so straightforward that this kind of surprise jars for me.
I like your idea that the beginning of a life in England is the end of a life in France, and I think that if you had concentrated on this more, rather than the journey to and from the mosque, you would have been more successful. You could have set the whole piece on the train station platform, for example.
Good luck with your next post,
Frances