Friday, 20 July 2007

It's me that is dead.

Part of me is going mad - I've lost all that is sane
Part of me is slightly sad - it's affecting my brain!
Part of me is confused - Don't know what's going on
Part of me is abused - Like hair in a salon
Part of me is full of fear - Wanting to run and hide
Part of me is feeling queer - A part I felt had lied
Part of me's breaking apart - Shattered into pieces
Part of me's feeling quite smart
But most of me is dead.

Part of me's a drama - just waiting for suspense
Part of me's like karma - Just all at your expense
Part of me is funny - Please just laugh at my jokes
Part of me's like honey - Yet sweet as raw egg yolks
Part of me's old dungarees - But recently just tore
And part of me's a shopping spree - unable to spend anymore
Part of me is crazy - Where's the sanity gone?
Part of me's just lazy
And most of me is dead.

Part of me is losing it - what has happened to me?
Part of me has just got it - a bit too hard to be
Part of me's just day dreaming - I like it better here
Part of me feels like screaming - is this so hard to hear?!
Part of me's like ice - Just touch me and you'll freeze
And part of me is nice - with power I can seize
Part of me's a bowling ball - forever rolling down
And part of me's a fresh fruit stall
But most of me is dead.

Part of me's defending - myself against the world
Part of me is ending - my life has just been hurled
Part of me's so quiet - You'll hear no sound at all
Part of me's a riot - Growing to be so tall

Part of me is jealous - I just want what you've got
Part of me's rebellious - Somehow, it makes me hot
Part of me's as loud as life - energetic and alive
Part of me's a puffy cloud - waiting for you to arrive
But most of me is dead.

4 comments:

  1. took me aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaages :P

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  2. This really is excellent, and you have managed to sustain it through four whole stanzas, which is pretty impressive!

    You also avoid cliche, and some lines are especially powerful in their originality: "abused - like hair in a salon" ... "sweet as raw egg yolks" etc.

    And your rhythm and meter are often spot on, e.g. "Part of me's just day dreaming - I like it better here", and it is all the better for this.

    It may have taken you AGES, but it shows, and your time has paid enormous dividends. Seriously. Well done! :)

    And my target? It would be EVEN better if Lines 7 and 9 rhymed in each stanza, like in the original model. Good to have something to aim for though! :)

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  3. "Part of me's a drama - just waiting for suspense
    Part of me's like karma - Just all at your expense"

    I especially liked this couplet too. Fantastic!

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