Robert: So did you come here to tell me your side
Jerry: My side of what, what are you on about?
Robert: Jerry be a man and swallow your pride
Jerry: My pride! Robert what are you on about
Robert: We can sit here and play this game all day
PAUSE
Jerry: Look we didn’t mean to hurt anyone
Robert: But instead you led a lot of people astray
Jerry: What do I say the damage is now done
Robert: Sorry and an explanation will do
Jerry: Sorry! But what is there to explain
Robert: Why you deceived me? Why it was you?
Jerry: Our feelings, there was so much strain
Robert: why don’t you be a man and say your flaws
Jerry: But I still respect that this is too much to ignore
Firstly, I am dazzled by how hard you have tried to capture 'Pinteresque' dialogue throughout your poem - and the fact that you even have a PAUSE makes this stand out clearly from most of the rest. Well done!
ReplyDeleteAnd your pentameters? Most of your lines are pentameters (apart from Lines 7, 10, 11, 12 & 14).
As for the iambs... Of your pentameters, the following lines are 100% iambic: Lines 2, 5, 8 & 13. See if you can find out which feet and/or syllables let the others down?
Do NOT be disheartened, just because I am setting targets rather than just lavishing you with praise. Like most of the others, you are doing REALLY well. Seriously. :)