Thursday, 31 May 2007

Task 6: Dramatic Monologues

As I said on the most recent podcast, we're going to take a break from iambs and trochees and the rest of their frustrating family for the time being.

However, I would still very much like you each to go back over your sonnets and redraft them again - according to the checklist and tips I included in today's podcast. Iambic pentameters are PERFECTLY within your grasp - ALL of you. It is just going to take more practice for lots of you.

Right now, you could:
a) give up and decide that you just CAN'T do it; OR
b) persevere and keep trying until you CAN do it.

I strongly advise you to choose Option B - as this is what the workshop should be all about. STRETCHING and pushing yourself as hard as you can, and never settling for second best.

* * * * *
Right - on to Task 6, which, you will be relieved to hear, may be written in FREE VERSE (although you are welcome to attempt it in sonnets if you are particularly ambitious!).

Look at this painting:


It is called St George and the Dragon by Paolo Ucello, and was painted in 1455.

Over 500 years later, the poet Ursula Fanthorpe wrote a poem called 'Not My Best Side', inspired by Ucello's painting.

In her poem, Fanthorpe provides three separate dramatic monologues - one for each of the protagonists from the painting: the dragon, the maiden and St George.

She uses these monologues to subvert the traditions surrounding the painting (and the myth it portrays), showing each of the characters in a refreshing new light. In doing so, she challenges the whole nature of stereotypes; heroism; sexuality; and good and evil. And it's all really fun(ny) to read too!

Here is the poem:
I

Not my best side, I'm afraid.
The artist didn't give me a chance to
Pose properly, and as you can see,
Poor chap, he had this obsession with
Triangles, so he left off two of my
Feet. I didn't comment at the time
(What, after all, are two feet
To a monster?) but afterwards
I was sorry for the bad publicity.
Why, I said to myself, should my conqueror
Be so ostentatiously beardless, and ride
A horse with a deformed neck and square hoofs?
Why should my victim be so
Unattractive as to be inedible,
And why should she have me literally
On a string? I don't mind dying
Ritually, since I always rise again,
But I should have liked a little more blood
To show they were taking me seriously.

II

It's hard for a girl to be sure if
She wants to be rescued. I mean, I quite
Took to the dragon. It's nice to be
Liked, if you know what I mean. He was
So nicely physical, with his claws
And lovely green skin, and that sexy tail,
And the way he looked at me,
He made me feel he was all ready to
Eat me. And any girl enjoys that.
So when this boy turned up, wearing machinery,
On a really dangerous horse, to be honest
I didn't much fancy him. I mean,
What was he like underneath the hardware?
He might have acne, blackheads or even
Bad breath for all I could tell, but the dragon--
Well, you could see all his equipment
At a glance. Still, what could I do?
The dragon got himself beaten by the boy,
And a girl's got to think of her future.

III

I have diplomas in Dragon
Management and Virgin Reclamation.
My horse is the latest model, with
Automatic transmission and built-in
Obsolescence. My spear is custom-built,
And my prototype armour
Still on the secret list. You can't
Do better than me at the moment.
I'm qualified and equipped to the
Eyebrow. So why be difficult?
Don't you want to be killed and/or rescued
In the most contemporary way? Don't
You want to carry out the roles
That sociology and myth have designed for you?
Don't you realize that, by being choosy,
You are endangering job prospects
In the spear- and horse-building industries?
What, in any case, does it matter what
You want? You're in my way.
And your task? Well, look below at a selection of paintings.

Sandro BOTTICELLI (1445-1510), 'Venus and Mars': Mars, god of war, was one of the lovers of Venus, goddess of love. Here Mars is asleep and unarmed, while Venus is awake and alert. The meaning of the picture is that love conquers war, or love conquers all.

Peter Paul RUBENS (1577-1640), 'Samson and Delilah': Samson, the Jewish hero, fell in love with Delilah. She was bribed by the Philistines, and discovered that his strength came from his hair which had never been cut. While he was asleep it was cut, Samson was drained of his strength and the Philistines were able to capture him. Old Testament (Judges 16: 17-20). Rubens depicts a candlelit interior; the Philistines wait at the door, one of their number cuts Samson's hair, while an elderly woman provides extra light. In a niche behind is a statue of the goddess of love, Venus, with Cupid, a reference to the cause of Samson's fate.

Thomas GAINSBOROUGH (1727-1788), 'Mr and Mrs Andrews': The landscape evokes Robert Andrew's estate, to which his marriage added property. He has a gun under his arm, while his wife sits on an elaborate wooden bench. The painting of Mrs Andrews' lap is unfinished. The space may have been reserved for a child for Mrs Andrews to hold. The painting follows the fashionable convention of the conversation piece, a (usually) small-scale portrait showing two or more people, often out of doors.

Tiziano Vecelli (1485-1576), 'Venus and Adonis': The goddess Venus conceived a hopeless passion for the beautiful mortal Adonis, and here implores him to stay and love her, rather than go hunting. Adonis refused, and was later accidentally killed and anemones sprung from his blood. Cupid is in the background.

Your task is to choose one of them, and then write a dramatic monologue for each of the main protagonists.

Your set of monologues should:
  • be original - both in your ideas and in the language you use;
  • surprise the reader - by your unusual take on the story or your challenge of what we would expect;
  • be different - each poem should exude the specific and idiosyncratic voice of that specific character (like in Fanthorpe's poem), and be written in the 1st Person.
Your poems (and the lines therein) can be as LONG or as SHORT as you like.

Good luck, and have fun!

Mr Savage

Laura

I said i couldn't do this one but i had a go:

I always thought I'd never have
a handsome gentlemen caller
but what he done made me feel bad
and left me feeling much smaller
I should be like mamma,sweet and not shy
just how she was when she was my age
but im just not like that, I'm not gonna lie
Its feels as if im locked in a social cage
"Blue Roses, Blue Roses" my what a name!
the one boy who saw the inner me
but he was a player and i was the game
now the one thing i love is my glass menagerie
I'm just a girl who's too shy to shout
A cripple, a cripple- the candle's blown out

Wednesday, 30 May 2007

Laura

Glass animals with my feelings within,
That only comes out when no-one is near.
The clatter spoons and forks is a sin,
Facing the public is such a great fear.
With a mother that my life she controls,
Forced by her to go to business sessions.
Nothing left but to go for a long stroll,
She wants me to wed, what an obsession.
Protected of me, Tom chooses the man,
He looks after me with my broken limb.
Fights with mother doesn't go as it plans,
A smoke, a drink, is all he needs for him.
My life is destroyed by a so called Jim,
This heart of mine has been shattered by him.

Monday, 28 May 2007

Amanda

Outside I may seem like a right old nag
But all I really want is the best for them
I know I can be like a silly bag
But all I really want are happy gems
I love my children very much, I do
My handsome Tom and pretty Laura, Oh!
They do not see it but it is so true
My darlings, you just cannot sense or know
That it is there, my great undying love
From being babies silent in a crib
So happy, never could I get enough
Of gazing at you, this is not a fib
If only you could love as much as me
Your mother’s love is here, will always be.

amanda

i miss my old gentlemen callers
thats when i was somebody
my daughter is not a lost cause
but my son acts like a nobody
my husband just up and went
left me alone with our children
with almost no money ,just a cent
he acted like an evil villian.
thats it, now all hope is gone

laura dosent interest jim
and all my optimisim is withdrawn
from now on the future looks dim
amanda wingfield used to be someone
now all i can say is whats done is done


i no its a bit rushed but i went away with my parents and didnt know so sorry.

Saturday, 26 May 2007

Amanda

I used to have so many callers, they
All used to come round daily after tea.
I used to dress up - highlight of their day.
And all they wanted was to visit me.
I did not opt for any of these men,
But settled for a telephone sales man.
He let me down again and then again,
So I said "I will do the best I can."
My Laura isn't visited at all,
But she has always been so sad and worn.
This Cinderella won't go to the ball.
My ugly duckling, she could be a swan!
I cannot save my broken family,
My Laura, and her glass menagerie

Laura

They misunderstand, judge and don't look on,
To see the real truth, reality, ME.
Why don't they see: my sanity has gone,
Sometimes I feel as if none will agree.
Settling down will be best for me and HER,
Is life not mine to gain rights to decide?
What else must ruin, destroy and occur,
For how much longer will I have to hide.
She says she's the idol of style and class,
He claims to always be 'at the movies'.
All I'll be needing is my world of glass,
No love, no freedom or unheard stories,
It's now me against the world; all can see,
Now, forever: my glass menagerie.

laura

Life is a box of insults set in glass,
My mother is fuelled by her burlesque past
Whilst I stand by and watch her freedom pass,
My friends are my foes all in one big cast.
Jim was my hope; my love for him was back
I thought Jim and me would forever last.
Tom was my glazier for when id crack
He was my ally for when I was lost,
The sins that I was stuck with,he had my back
He would protect me whatever the cost.
The one thing that mattered to me was Jim
Now he leaves whilst I sit there, im lost
For no man shall and watch my life by
All this warfare, whilst I watch their lives fly.

Tom

People don't know what troubles are inside,
a secret so deep lies inside within
my past revealed, no more is left to hide
my sister's leg, and all the arguing.
the crazy lady, lost in her gone past,
a grown woman, loves small glass ornaments
to smoke probably makes the pain go fast
control is the prize in work 'tournament'
i need the money, help with my mistake
what doesn't make my life so nice and bright?
family? what family is to take?
i'm going to watch a movie tonight.
but i am strong, and that is what i aim.
each time i look at the blank picture frame.

Friday, 25 May 2007

Amanda

Tonight I see my haunting dreams,
To be woken, to just another day.
From night to day nothing's as it seems,
My feelings, that painting both entirely grey.
I wish to see her like a beauty worth love,
Though there lies pain that's circling her.
His one son, blackened by his demon above,
Last thoughts; So leave! Just go! Become a blur.
My yesterday was full of diamonds, lights.
No days like this. There's never sad tuesdays.
Tomorrow could have been a beautiful sight,
Except here I am, suddenly able to say;
The past is gone, I cannot turn 'round,
So I will stand, awaiting longful sounds.

Tom

Work everyday, "movies" during the night.
Laura waits up, I'm home in a bad state.

Next morning, mum picking another fight,
Laura's different, what happens is fate.
The Man of the House is what I may be;
I try my best to take care of a lot.
I pay bills, yet I'm treated a baby.
Despite mums attempts, Laura's lost the plot;
Nobody knows the troubles that lay inside,
While she plays with her Glass Menagerie,

I search for more ways to hide
Still a kid (her hands are still slippery).

Now I've moved on, left both of them be
Laura, forgive me...I'm truly sorry...

Thursday, 24 May 2007

laura

She didn’t understand my deep inner feelings
Always wants me to be something I ain’t
Screaming at plain me leaving me reeling
Making me work for hours till I felt faint
Just because she had all the fancy boys
It wasn’t my fault I had a disability
I want to be normal and play with toys
O why can’t she just face reality?
I will never be beautiful like her
She has everything she ever wanted
Only if I was perfect I often murmur
O why does it feel like I’m being haunted?
A normal mother appreciates her child
Unlike mine why can’t she see what’s on my mind.

Saturday, 19 May 2007

Task 5: Your First SONNET

So many of you have either cracked this now, or, if you haven't then you have ALMOST done so.

I am REALLY very impressed. Best of all, some of you are managing to do so without sacrificing the power of your poetry itself.

This is the real challenge: a synthesis of CONTENT (choice of language and what it is about) and FORM (rhyme, rhythm etc.). In fact, you can look at it mathematically:

powerful CONTENT + disciplined FORM = effective POETRY

Please check the podcasts for an analysis of your efforts this week.


Now for this week's task - and it's a DIFFICULT one.

These are the rules of the English (or Shakespearean) SONNET:
  1. It must be written in IAMBIC PENTAMETER (i.e. x5 dee-DUMs)
  2. It will be 14 lines long, and consist of x3 quatrains and x1 final couplet
  3. It will have a strict rhyme scheme (abab cdcd efef gg)
You should, by now, be familiar with the rules of IAMBIC PENTAMETER.

As for writing in three quatrains, well you have all written ONE quatrain (in both Task 3 and Task 4), so it is just a question of writing three different ones of these, which link together in subject matter to form ONE poem - a poem which is concluded by a couplet (i.e. two, rhyming lines).

And as for the RHYME scheme, I am sure you will be fine with this.

The challenge is putting all these things TOGETHER! (Click HERE if you want to find out some more tips on the building blocks of sonnets.)

And what should your sonnet be about? Well...

You have now seen The Glass Menagerie. You should choose ONE character from the play, and write a monologue/soliloquy of their thoughts. In other words, speaking as if you ARE your chosen character, you write a sonnet (in the 1st person) expressing your thoughts and feelings at the end of the play.

Simply call your poem Jim OR Tom OR Laura OR Amanda.

Here is my attempt:
Tom

She worked me like a puppet, string by string.
(A mother should not seize this much control.)
My inclinations did not mean a thing -
The Perfect Son, my mandatory role.
A tyrant in a dress, she tore apart
The family she claimed to hold so dear;
Her autocratic, suffocating heart
Left son and daughter helpless in their fear.
But daughter crumbles, crushed within her grip,
Incapable of any sort of fight,
While Shakespeare imitates his father's trip,
Pursues the distant moon and says goodnight.
I wish I could go back, but time is dead,
Just like the family within my head.

Naboo

Analyse the world 'til it explodes
thats what always happens 'twixt my ears
I anticipate a heavy load
shoulders bearing nought but futile fears

ANaLYSE the WORLD til IT exPLODES
THAT'S what ALways HAPPens 'TWIXT my EARS
I anTICipATE a HEAVy LOAD
SHOULders BEARing NOUGHT but FUTile FEARS

sadz edit

I am funny, tall and pretty shy
Light brown skin and golden hair that shines
Sharp black crystals for my twinkling eye
Bubbling personality surprise.

sadz

I am funny and tall and pretty shy,
Light brown with golden hair that shines
Sharp black crystals for my twinkling large eye
Bubbling personality that’s full of surprise.


i AM funNY and TALL and PREtty SHY
light brown with GOLDen hair that SHINES
sharp black CRYstals for my TWINKling large eye
BUBBling PERsonALIty that's full of SUPrise

Shiningstar

Stereotyped as being oppressed
By the media and the rest
Just by wearing something on my head
It’s my choice, I know best

STEReoTYPED as BEING opPRESSED
BY the MEDia AND the REST
JUST by WEARing SOMEthing ON my HEAD

IT’S my CHOICE, I know BEST


Who am I?

I have troubles sometimes finding this
I like to think that I'm something good,
sometimes i think people take the piss
but they appreciate as they should

i HAVE trouBLES someTIMES findING this
i LIKE to THINK that I'M someTHING good
someTIMES i THINK peoPLE take THE piss
but THEY appREciATE as THEY should

PS: sorry about 'piss' i couldn't think of anything else

Friday, 18 May 2007

Boring i am definetly not
people know all about my habbits
people apprictiate me a alot
fighting against my lifetime critics


BORing i am definetly not
PEOple know all about my habbits
PEOple apprictiate me alot
FIGHting aginst my life-time criticts

it's probably all wrong

SPARKY

people never seem to notice me
sometimes hidden never there
open up and you may even see
to find a child like me is very rare


PEOple NEver SEEM to NOTice Me
SOMEtimes HIDDen MAYbe NEver THERE
Open UP and YOU may EVEN SEE
TO find A child LIKE me IS veRY rare

I no i gt the second bit wrong but i tried lol

Chex

sometimes i hide all my true feelings
hide all my heartbreak with a fake smile
the secret to me is concealing
the sadness and hate is all too vile

SOMEtimes I hide ALL my TRUE feelING
HIDE all THE heartBREAK with A fake SMILE
THE secRET to ME is CONcealING
THE sadNESS and HATE is ALL too VILE

I know its all wrong but i tried =[

Shani

People are always first ones to judge
Fun, confident that’s what some believe
But as usual too quick to misjudge
Perhaps they should not be so naïve

PEOple ARE alWAYS first ONES to JUDGE
FUN conFIDent THAT'S what SOME beLIEVE
BUT as USual TOO quick TO misJUDGE
PERhaps THEY should NOT be SO naIVE

Me, Myself & I

Pink is often all i think about
and its what i seem to always see.
People always hear me scream and shout,
But some don't know that its just me!

PINK is OFten ALL i THINK aBOUT
AND its WHAT i SEEM to ALways SEE.
PEOple ALways HEAR me SCREAM and SHOUT
BUT some DON'T know THAT its ALL just ME!

Thursday, 17 May 2007

Sugadust

Sometimes I reconsider my life,
Wondering if things will ever be.
It cuts you in pieces (It's a knife!)
Is life crazy or it is just me?

SOMEtimes I reCONsider MY LIFE.
WONdering IF things will ever BE.
It cuts you in PIEces (It's a KNIFE!)
IS life CRAzy OR is IT just ME?

Monday, 14 May 2007

carlsberger (edit)

my struggle with life can be divine
Why am I tabooed by my mad life?
When my heart that beats within is fine,
No thing can stop me when I’ve got life.


*MY struGGLE with LIFE can BE diVINE
*WHY am I taBOOED by MY mad LIFE?
*WHEN my HEART that BEATS withIN is FINE
*NO thing CAN stop ME when IVE got LIFE

Sunday, 13 May 2007

silent devil

Colourful world is all part of me
Succeeding high, like a flying dove.
Beautiful places I'd love to see
New things like most bling is what I love.

COLourFUL world IS all PART of ME
SUCceeDING high, LIKE a FLYing DOVE.
BEAUtiFUL PLAces I'd LOVE to SEE
NEW things LIKE most BLING is WHAT I LOVE.

carlsberger

That day is sure, the rest are all mine
Why am I tabooed by my mad life?
When my heart that beats within is fine,
No thing can stop me when I’ve got life.



*THAT day IS sure, THE rest ARE all MINE
*WHY am I taBOOED by MY mad LIFE?
*WHEN my HEART that BEATS withIN is FINE
* NO thing CAN stop ME when IVE got LIFE

Eternity.Forever. (Edit)

Someday I will be there shining high,
Searching life, so seeking wanted dreams.
Every wish, a fantasising sigh,
Lively future, rainbow colour-schemes.

SOMEday I will BE there SHINing HIGH,
SEARCHing LIFE, so SEEKing WANTed DREAMS.
EVery WISH, a FANTaSISing SIGH,
LIVely FUTure, RAINbow COLour-SCHEMES.

Eternity.Forever.

Someday I will be there shining,
Searching life so seeking dreams.
Every wish, no fantasising,
Lively future, rainbow colour-schemes.

SOMEday I will BE there SHINing,
SEARCHing LIFE so SEEKing DREAMS.
EVery WISH, no FANTaSISing,
LIVely FUture, RAINbow COLour-SCHEMES.

Saturday, 12 May 2007

Hidden TeleTubbiez

You've never seen me in a dress,
or wearing any sort of make-up;
please be proud of me nonetheless,
Cause' sometimes i wish i never wake up

YOU've NEVer SEEN me in a DRESS,
or WEARing ANy sort of MAKE-up;
PLEAse be PROud of me NONEtheLESS,
CAUSE' SOMEtimes i wish i NEVer wake UP

Task 4: Trochees

All of you have managed iambic meter some of the time.

Some of you have managed iambic meter all of the time.

If you are still stuck, it is really important you go back over previous posts, including:
  • my posts for Task 2 and Task 3;
  • the two most successful examples of iambic verse from members of the workshop ('View of an Evening' and 'My Sweet Kitten';
  • all the other poems and, most importantly of all, MY COMMENTS about them.
And you can now download or listen to a PODCAST lesson here:

You are all perfectly capable of this; it just takes practice and perseverance. As I keep saying, this is not SUPPOSED to be easy. It is supposed to be fiendishly difficult. But all the more reason to ask you to do it.

When you finally get there, think how satisfied you will feel. And, most of all, think what a skilful mastery of language you will have developed. If you can control language to THIS extent, think how much better ALL your writing will be - whether iambic verse, a persuasive speech, or simply an ordinary essay...

* * * *
And now for this week's task...

Well, in addition to reworking, redrafting and revising your previous attempts, until you master that dreaded IAMB, I am going to set you a slightly different exercise which should achieve TWO things:
  1. It will teach you ANOTHER type of foot (i.e. the TROCHEE);
  2. and, in doing so, it should also reinforce your understanding of the IAMB.
Or at least that is the plan... :)

So, let me introduce you to the TROCHEE.

Where as the iambic foot goes dee-DUM, the trochaic foot goes DUM-dee. (Some of you have used lots of them already by accident - see 'The Hunter', for example.)

Here are some simple words which directly fit a trochaic rhythm:
  • English
  • Mitchell
  • Playground
  • Angry
  • Boring
Look at how they are ALL words we say with the stress on the FIRST syllable.

This does not mean that trochaic verse has to consist only of two-syllable words (any more than iambic verse does); simply that 5 stressed fall on syllables 1, 3, 5, 7, 9 etc. (i.e. the ODD numbers) and so you need to choose and order your words so they fall in the correct place to fit those stresses.

Here is a line of perfect trochaic pentameter:
People often ask me why I bother.
Let me write it again, with the stresses in capitals:
PEOple OFten ASK me WHY i BOTHer.
See how this fits with the way we say the words anyway, in a way that saying this line IAMBICALLY would not fit, e.g.:
peoPLE ofTEN ask ME why I bothER.
Nobody talks like that!

Now look at this piece of trochaic pentameter:
Monday's never been my favourite day.
What is missing?
The first four feet are perfect trochees:
MONday's NEVer BEEN my FAV'rite...
(because we usually say the word 'favourite' as if it were two syllables and not one).
But look at the last foot:
...day.
It is a stressed syllable, but it lacks the unstressed syllable to make it a complete trochee.

This type of INCOMPLETE foot, often used at the end of a line, is called a catalexis (making it a catalectic foot).

Here's another example of a line of trochaic pentameter ending in a catalectic foot:
English isn't my idea of fun.
Look how the first four syllables are purely trochaic:
ENglish ISn't MY iDEA of...
But, again, the last foot is catalectic, i.e. it has no unstressed syllable:
...FUN.
So, surprise surprise, your task this week is to write:
  1. a quatrain (four-line poem)
  2. with an abab rhyme scheme (like Task 3)
  3. with a trochaic rhythm (i.e. DUM-dee)
  4. apart from the final foot in each line, which should be catalectic (i.e. DUM);
  5. (leaving it with 9 syllables in total).
AND

6. write the poem AGAIN underneath, but this time with EACH stressed syllable in
CAPITALS, to show how it fits the DUM-dee-DUM-dee-DUM-dee-DUM-dee-DUM
rhythm.

And your topic this week? Yourself. 'A poem about me'. In fact, as your title, simply give it the name of your blogger ID...

Here is my attempt:

Englishguru

Sometimes I feel so misunderstood
(People say this happens to us all)
I don't think that any more I should
Bang my head against this tiresome wall

SOMEtimes I feel SO misUNderSTOOD
(PEOple SAY this HAPpens TO us ALL)
I don't THINK that ANy MORE i SHOULD
BANG my HEAD aGAINST this TIREsome WALL.
Now it is your turn...

Good luck! And feel free to email me if you get impossibly stuck! :)

Friday, 11 May 2007

Home (edit)

True paradise lies within the home
The beauty of it all is unimaginable,
Whilst it might be different for some,

To me, it's the best place to come,
I lay there in my bed
watching the night skies,
The day passes by,
we come to realise
My dreams
Of paradise

The Hunter (edit)

Through moments of hate, the silent night.
Is home to the being of no ashamed.
That wolf. Each beady eye, to the right.
That hunter. Body to the ground, abilities tamed.

The Hunter

Preying, stalking, seeking, the silent night.
Husky sounds of rancid breathing, heartless.
That wolf. Each beady eye, shining twilight.
That hunter. Body to the ground, tameless.

My sweet kitten

I see a peek of her big ginger tail
It comes from underneath the soft white rug
I look at her in peace with such detail
She sleeps and dreams in her nice bed so snug

River (Task 3)

Through your fingers it flows,
Rushing downhill fast and ice-cold,
When given the chance it expands and grows,
This is the nature of a river: rapid and bold.

note: I came up with this for task 3 recently and I thought it would be good to post.

The Farmers Joy

that eerie sound which sooths the countries ears
the farmer's joy reflected in his hands
reluctantly the baby looks the shears
it contemplates the fact that it's a lamb

Butterfly

A flash of colour from her outstretched wings
I see the patterns that make her truly fine
Just one sight of her makes the magpies sing
As I count the dots on her large wings; 7,8,9.

the shark

My shadowy figure lies beneath the ocean
I hide alone captured by the dark
Cast away, my heart remains broken
I am what I am, I am a shark

Shark...

In the deepest blue his watchful eye stares,
A swish of his tail, he remains hidden,
we wait while he prepares for the attack,
this swift and hungry beast awaits our blood.

MONKEY

Why this creature is so clever
It is prettier than any other animal
Is so soft and warm like leather
Just like the gorgeous summer fall

The Prey

The Prey

Calmly relaxed about his serene life.
The foe plans to strike, one which will not mend.
Time slips past, as he goes under the knife.
The bloodshed, the torn flesh, a life must end.

Scorpio

On the prowl always ready to sting
You keep well away from their little clippers
They could kill with one sting and bring

Pain so no not going near their nippers

Thursday, 10 May 2007

Wild Animal

Whilst I’m Flocking through the fields all day
And look at my outstretched paws,

I think about every time I catch my prey;
And hope for a key to mend my wild claws.

Wednesday, 9 May 2007

Everybody like blood now and again

You know when your a lion like myself
you just love the sight of delightful blood.
but when you challenge a zebra with stealth,
then your good blood will rush out with a flood!

Sunday, 6 May 2007

The Predator

Some target from the sky, some hunt the ground
relentlesley killing their hopeless prey
So savage, ending lives without a sound,
A predator does not intend to play.

Saturday, 5 May 2007

Kitty Cat

Its glistening eyes shine throughout the night,
Until day breaks and night begins to fall.
It again reveals its beauty; so bright,
With its silhouette perched up on the wall.

Task: Mastering the dreaded IAMB

A couple of things before I begin:
  1. PLEASE make sure you have all posted your weekly posts by the end of each Friday. Some of you fell a bit behind to start with, and some of you have yet to post ANYTHING (and your place on the Workshop hangs in the balance as a result).
  2. PLEASE make sure that, as well as completing each task yourself, I expect you ALL to comment on AT LEAST FOUR other posts that week too. Be positive, of course, but don't be afraid to point out how it could be improved too. This is the only way you are all going to continue to improve - and it can't JUST be down to me to assess everything. It goes against the democratic nature of this blog. Thanks! :)
Right, now for this week's task. Conquering the horrible IAMB!!!

I will start by quoting from some of your poems, to show where you went wrong (and right).

This is a successful iambic pentameter:
The city lies below the weighty sky
Look at the stresses, which will be obvious when you read it out loud:
the CIty LIES beLOW the WEIGHty SKY
It is a perfect 'dee-DUM' rhythm, with 5 iambic feet.

These are successful iambic tetrameters:
The place where I can be myself...
And yet we know its history...
My books are there my clothes are here...
With each one, notice how it begins with an UNSTRESSED syllable, and then follows a dee-DUM pattern throughout.

And this is a perfect iambic trimeter (3 feet):
The pyramids stand proud
I realise that 'stand' could be either stressed or unstressed (and this sort of thing is probably what is confusing many of you), but in this line, the stresses fall quite naturally as follow:
the PYraMIDS stand PROUD.
And now for some which didn't quite work...

Here's one from 'Egypt':

The nile lies still catching the sun
This WOULD be a perfect iambic tetrameter (i.e. FOUR iambic feet), if it were not for the fact that the word catching is stressed 'catchING' - which sounds very awkward. How could this line have worked? Well, what about:
The NILE lies STILL beNEATH the SUN...
And what about this from 'My Leyton':
People and people rushing by
Almost a perfect iambic tetrameter too, if it weren't for the first word, which would have to be pronounced peoPLE. How about:
a MILLion PEOple RUSHing BY...
And this one from 'Calm Mauritius':
Where tourists are stunned by views and
This has the correct 8 syllables for an iambic tetrameter, but it leaves the words ARE and BY and AND stressed, which doesn't sound right. What about:
where TOURists SPRAWL aMID the SAND...
This pentameter (from 'Stonehenge') is ALMOST iambic, except for the word INfested, which SHOULD have the second syllable stressed, but here has the FIRST and THIRD:
An ancient playground infested with myths
How about:
An ancient playground of a million myths...
This attempted tetrameter from 'View of Bangladesh' is just missing a syllable to complete it:
I lay there with my mind bare
What about:
I lay there with my mind laid bare...

So, you see, it IS possible, in ALL your poems. It just takes perseverance, and a CLOSE study of:
  • all the Task 2 poems (including the comments);
  • last week's task (in full);
  • and the whole of this post.
You will feel SO satisfied when you master this - just as you will feel SO annoyed if lots of the others master it this week and you are left behind.

Right, so what do I expect you to do for Task 3?

Well, we're not quite ready for a sonnet yet, but we should be by next week. This week, I simply want:
  1. a four-line poem (otherwise known as a quatrain);
  2. with an a-b-a-b rhyme scheme (i.e. Lines 1 and 3 rhyme, as do lines 2 and 4);
  3. written in iambic (i.e. dee-DUM) pentameters (i.e. 5 feet/beats/stressed);
  4. about an ANIMAL of your choice.
Here is my attempt...

Orang Utan

A flash of rusty fur flies through the air;
A branch breaks off and crashes to the ground;
I squint to catch a glimpse of orange hair:
This fiery beast refuses to be found.
See what you can come up with, and remember:
  • quatrain
  • a-b-a-b
  • 5 beats
  • dee-DUM
Have fun, and good luck!

My Place

My place is my own area, just mine
Amidst the chaos, I always feel fine
My books are there my clothes are here
My place is relaxed, not austere
Mum nags to clean it up
Clean a storm in a cup?
That’s possible?
Impossible!
My place.
My room.

Friday, 4 May 2007

Sahara Desert

The surrounding sleeps below temperate sun,
the sand positioned before the day is done.

Creatures swarm; they conceal for shade,

Only out to watch the sunshine fade.

Birds of prey see clearly,
food that they love dearly.
in the sky,
they do fly.
To eat,
fresh meat.

Ocean/ Sea

In the deep blue sea,mysteries wonder,
a tidal wave or the sound of thunder.

the vast ocean, where creatures lurk,

Deadly sharks with an evil smirk.

The curious coral,

They live with a moral.

Huge dolphins leap,

Creepy crabs creep.

The sea,

loves me!

Big Ben

i think i got the beats right?

london has a very big clock
Visable from almost every dock
Whenever you need the time
Take a glance to the sky
Now look high above
Like a flying dove
See it soar
And never bore
Here again
its Big Ben

Egypt

This is terrible because i havn't got my head round the whole iamb thing...

The sun belts down on its luminous open land
As the cool breeze blows and paints patterns in the sand
The nile lies still catching the sun
drifting by slowly is her idea of fun
The pyramids stand proud
breaking through the cloud
my love
my life

I know its rubbish :-/

View of an evening

The fact that i dont like this place at all
distracts me from its constant beck and call
its sirens lure me back to here
a scandal's never far from near
its full of shady folk
who swig and scowl and smoke
it's one long weight
the wait for fate
look close
no foes

Home

True paradise lies in the home
The beauty of it all is unimaginable,
Whilst it might be different for some,
To me, it's the best place to come,
I lay there in my bed
watching the night sky,
Til the day passes by,
we come to realise
My dreams
Of paradise


Thursday, 3 May 2007

My Home

The only place I can call my home
The place were I feel free to rome
The place were I can be myself
That belongs to no one else
Some people might moan
But I’m never alone
My little haven
No ones taken
Sian’s
Home

Wednesday, 2 May 2007

Calm Mauritius

Tourist fly away to calm Mauritius,
Where days are hot and delights are luscious.
Where tourists are stunned by views and,
Trips. Can guarantee you get tanned.
Shopping there is time left,
Not many reay for theft.
Now time to work,
For the head jerk.
Late nights,
More fights.