A flash of colour from her outstretched wings I see the patterns that make her truly fine Just one sight of her makes the magpies sing As I count the dots on her large wings; 7,8,9.
Your second line would be perfect if you removed the extra syllable added by the word 'that'.
Line 3 is good, although stressing the word OF like this sounds a bit awkward.
Line 4 doesn't really work at all though, I am afraid. You are stressing lots of odd words (THE, ON, LARGE); you have 13 syllables in total; and I can't help thinking your numbers at the end are a bit of a cop out? :)
Your first line is PERFECT. Well done!
ReplyDeleteYour second line would be perfect if you removed the extra syllable added by the word 'that'.
Line 3 is good, although stressing the word OF like this sounds a bit awkward.
Line 4 doesn't really work at all though, I am afraid. You are stressing lots of odd words (THE, ON, LARGE); you have 13 syllables in total; and I can't help thinking your numbers at the end are a bit of a cop out? :)
hahaha
ReplyDeleteyeah sir i know the last line was pretty crap
my brain switched off at that moment :)