Good attempt, and you capture the essence of your creature with aplomb. But the iambs are causing you trouble.
Iambic pentameters will always: - have 10 syllables - in dee-DUM pairs. Have all your lines got 10 syllables? And are all the syllables in dee-DUM pairs?
Unfortunately, the answer is no. Look at again, and see if you can redraft it in due course? The basic ideas are there - it just needs some 'rhythmic' tweaking.
Email me if you want some help - and DON'T be defeated! :)
Good attempt, and you capture the essence of your creature with aplomb. But the iambs are causing you trouble.
ReplyDeleteIambic pentameters will always:
- have 10 syllables
- in dee-DUM pairs.
Have all your lines got 10 syllables? And are all the syllables in dee-DUM pairs?
Unfortunately, the answer is no. Look at again, and see if you can redraft it in due course? The basic ideas are there - it just needs some 'rhythmic' tweaking.
Email me if you want some help - and DON'T be defeated! :)