Amanda: Yeah, i know i don't smoke. I just wanted some fresh air.
Bryan: Well i think you can sacrifice your fresh air for good manners . Come back and join our guests.
(Bryan starts to walk into the house)
Amanda: I think I'm a racist.
(Bryan Pauses)
Bryan: You think you're racist or you are racist?
Amanda: Well I'm not sure. See i...
(bryan Interrupts)
Bryan: Would you feel awkward being sold a car by a colored person.
Amanda: No, It's just...
Bryan: Your not racist, I can remember countless times when you've stood up for negroes. Remember last week when you judged the diving competition at the integrated pool.
Amanda: Yeah. I suppose you're right.
Bryan: As always. Now, time for some lemon meringue pie.
(he rushes towards the door)
Amanda: I nearly beat a man to death.
(Bryan turns and stares in awe at Amanda)
Amanda: After i came out of' Diane's this colored man swaggered up and asked me for a dollar for the train fare and when i told him that i didn't want to give him a dollar he reached into his inside coat pocket. I honestly thought that i was gonna die, so i took the first thing from my bag, which was my perfume, and i sprayed it in his eyes. He fell onto his knees, and i started kicking his head and his ribs. It felt like hours before the police came. Sergeant Morgan told me that he had taken a statement from a witness and that he clearly tried tried to assault me.
Bryan: But he did. He was about to pull a gun.
Amanda: No. As i walked past the crime scene on the way home i saw what was in his fist, it was a card with his name, address and the telephone number of his surgery.
Bryan: You almost killed a colored doctor. Listen, lets make sure that as little people as possible hear about this, if this makes out of the county, the city press will find out and they will crucify you, which will lead to an appeal and another inquisition.
( Bryan puts his hand on his heart, Amanda carries on with her story, glazed over)
Amanda: The worst thing was- I enjoyed every second, the rush it gave me, the power it gave me.
Bryan: Listen, I love you but...
(Amanda takes a different tone, almost clinical)
Amanda: nothing ever good comes out of sentences that start with i love you but.
Bryan: I don't know what to say.
Amanda: Then don't say anything.
Hi Naboo,
ReplyDeleteThanks for posting this. I think you've responded really well to the image. I can see how your piece interacts with the eerie darkness of the painting.
There's a troubling ambiguity in your piece. When Amanda declares out of the blue that she thinks she's a racist, the reader cannot help but be disconcerted. Is this humour? The sudden shock, delivered along side mundane references to ordinary domestic and social life, does create a certain strangeness that feels almost comedic. When she later states 'I nearly beat a man to death,' the reader experiences a similar jolt. This creates a real sense of tension, and makes the piece feel darkly surreal.
When Amanda starts to explain what happened, though, any desire to laugh evaporates. The reader becomes aware that something more serious is going on. Perhaps there is a certain disjunction between the unsettling strangeness of the first part of the piece and the equally disturbing, if more serious, second half. I can imagine that some readers might not appreciate this shift in tone, as it does feel uneven. However, I personally find it quite compelling. The revelation of Amanda’s violence makes the reader or audience member feel almost guilty for having giggled at the character’s initial incongruous outburst. It is as if he or she is somehow implicated in the violence. This would work even better is the revelation was delayed, and the audience was kept in an awkward and uncomfortable limbo between humour and horror for longer.
I also think that this pervasive and troubling strangeness reflects the atmosphere of the painting well. All the greens and blacks in Hopper’s work, the darkness of the evening pushing up against the porch and encroaching upon the bourgeois safety of the domestic space, could be seen as creating a similar sense of weirdness.
The piece needs a thorough proof read, but there is no doubt that you’ve created something really interesting.
Helen
Hey, naboo,
ReplyDeleteReally cool stuff again here. You perform well to the brief - this is compelling throughout and a really interesting interpretation of the picture.
Helen's already covered some things to consider, so I'll try not to repeat what she's said.
Excellent consideration of how these people speak - I particularly love the opening lne of 'sacrifice your fresh air for good manners.' You clearly have a good ear for dialogue that grabs you, and I think you maintain that well.
I'd suggest looking into your directions. It's tricky gauging how much you need to give sometimes, or what's best to convey what you want to see.Here you have Bryan staring 'in awe' when I think you want to convey something more negative - after all he does seem to think this jepordises their relationship. Look into that, and the fact that Amanda is 'glazed' at one point - you'll have to make it her eyes, or tell us what she's glazed in :)
Your detail in 'nothing good ever comes...' is awesome. Well done. I think if you wanted to play around with it you could have Bryan have to prize some of these answers out of Amanda, or show why she's eager to shock him, cos currently in seems fairly unprovoked.
Ace stuff though. I look forward to more soon. Take care,
Andy
This is shocking and sophisticated, largely because of the contrast between Bryan's facile, trite approach to life and Amanda's shock revelations. In the end, I think she is a more successful character, but that is not to say Bryan's isn't convincing - there just seems a shade of melodrama in some of what he says.
ReplyDeleteI particularly like the ending, which proves that you don't need to finish with a flourish or a twist or a cliffhanger, and understated, bathetic endings can sometimes be just as effective. Well done!