Atul Dutt
Humiliated
Feels very misunderstood
Loves wife Vina to bits
Eeshwar Dutt
Loves his attention
Afraid of being gay too
Not very clever
Lopa Dutt
An independent
A rocky relationship
Annoyed by husband
Jai Dutt
Good sense of humour
Feels attracted to Vina
Falls towards dad’s side
Vina Patel
Feels immense pressure
Confused about familly
And needs some freedom
Firstly, what happened to Vina's mum and dad? You appear to have left two haikus out. :(
ReplyDeleteHowever, most of what you have done is syllable-perfect (apart from Atul Line 3 and Eeshwar Line 2), and you make some important points about the characters too. Look at how some other workshoppers have explored the potential of the 'theme change' between lines 2 and 3 though, and see how this could also be applied to some of yours...
woops? :|
ReplyDelete