As I hungrily pulled her closer to me, I could feel her soft brown hair caress my ears. For that split second in time, I finally felt like it was all worth it. I had captured her soft, lush, precious lips and I wasn’t prepared to let them go. I would happily keep them locked under armed guard just to experience their soft touch once again.
I had more than I bargained for however since her determined hands scurried around my waist begging for a response. Before I knew it my primeval instinct had done the job for me. My arms were now accepting the request, followed by my pulsating heart, almost immediately we were as one with the surrounding crops. I felt her wanting, pleading, begging for more as my pristine white shirt was demolished at the busying hands of her, by now, immense presence. The buttons popped liked a cork from a champagne bottle, the straps cracked like a ferocious whip, the zips opened like a department stores doors at an exclusive book signing. More than all of this however was that her clearly aroused being was searching for an opportunity to show its full potential.
On show for the world to see, her and me, naked as a newborn. We didn’t care though since this embrace was worth much more than moral standards. I finally had the world at my feet, an angelic figure of a woman, flowing free, surviving off of my very existence like a blood hungry leech. What more could a man want? If Gandhi, Mandela or Bono could harness a weapon to fight against world conflict and promote world harmony, it would be love. If there was no love in our world today, we would not exist.
As one we submerged into a world of passion, overcome by it. We lay, naked as our ancestral predecessors and watched the ambient Yorkshire sun set. No longer frantic. Rather subdued in fact. Together, as one.
track 11 by the way. :)
ReplyDeleteHey,
ReplyDeleteThis is marvellous! Firstly, your writing is a pleasure to read: it is almost flawless. (The only punctuation issue I caught was a missing pair of bracketing commas around "however" - second paragraph.) I love the humour - a talent of yours that I see consistently in your writing. The zips opening "like a department store's doors at an exclusive book signing" is just great!
In fact, I think it's because of the strength of the earlier writing in this piece that the ending seemed a little abrupt - you still have the humour with the bemused "rather subdued in fact", but the last sentence seems to change the tone a little - it ends on a more conventional "romance" note, rather than the brilliantly subversive nature of the rest of the piece. Easily fixed. I really enjoyed this!
i see what you mean penny. I think it was just my brain taking the easy way out at the last moement with the cliche ending. Thanks.
ReplyDeleteI thought this was both brave and highly successful. To write about a first sexual encounter without reverting to stereotypes is immensely difficult and yet, other than in your final three words, you manage it with aplomb.
ReplyDeleteYour imagery is wonderfully original - the champagne cork, the whip, and, above all, the shop doors! And the leech is great too! Although I am not convinced that the 'newborn' simile is appropriate to the content of the rest of the piece, if you see what I mean...
All in all, this is mature and accomplished work, which massively belies your age and evidences your meteorically evolving creative skill and flair. Very well done indeed! Seriously. :)
i feel twisted after that newborn bit now! :). Thanks for the comment sir.
ReplyDelete