Expectations
Somewhere on the outskirts of London;
A middle aged single mother appears to be shouting
at her son
Noise continuously erupting from around the small
bungalow.
But none of it matters, not really, why should it?
Somewhere on the outskirts of London;
A mother expresses her anger to her son.
Words full of meaning rapidly rush
from her fast paced, vicious mouth.
"I have been blessed by God with 4 sons
However, you, my eldest one,
The single most relied one,
Are definitely; the most dissapointing one!"
Appearances can certainly be deceaving,
Not many can tell how another's feeling.
Him, he appears to be without a worry
In the world, in his (own) world,
Never seems to be in any sort of a hurry
And appears to ignore everything he's told.
"If, mother, you hadn't expected so much of me
Perhaps everything I do, or done, won't end so
very dissapointingly."
He spots a glimmering speck of a tear,
somwhere in a corner of her eye.
Thinks of the day and life, gone by.
Yet he knows it's never worth it, to cry.
So then he leaves. Just a pathetic coward,
With nothing left to say,
except, "Good Bye".
Fizzy
ReplyDeleteThis piece is great,
the ending is so sad, so desolate, it works! Te reader gets a real sense of the gap that lies between mother and son.
You might want to re-work the opening though as the first two stanzas are very similar, both saying the same thing.
Also the rhyme scheme of the third stanza could do with a re-think, avoid the repitition of 'one' too often.
Te rhetorical question seems to be an anomaly as authorial comment is not evident anywhere else, do you think its needed?
To characterise, perhaps introduce colloquialism to the mother's speech.
The final stanza is definitely the strongest, descriptive and yet simple.
Well done!