The corrupt war has finally come here
You cannot get away from it all
The brutality, bloodshed are side effects here
I cannot let you suffer so small
My admirable baby boy Edward
With your chasteness and innocent eyes
When you smiles my great heart jumps and leaps in the joy
That you are only my little prize
For you to have to brave this atrocity
Brings huge sadness to my beating heart
To have childhood snatched violently from your grasp<
I will never let you have this part
However to release you from this pain
I would have to take your vulnerable life
Don’t worry we’ll be reunited in heaven again
Without all this stress and this strife
The arduous deed is finally done now
At last, you are belatedly free
To roam around in happiness and without any sorrow
And to be there to watch over me
Sorry about the lay outand the punctuation there is SUPPOSED to be either a comma or full stop at the end of each line
ReplyDeletee.g
The corrupt war has finally come here,
You cannot get away from it all.
The brutality, bloodshed are side effects here,
I cannot let you suffer so small.
That is a great ballad.
ReplyDeleteI can really feel the words in my head as a song.
Great job. :)
You've made it feel personal too, "My admirable baby boy Edward".
Well done!
;3
Thanx
ReplyDeleteThis is a very powerful little ballad - which meets all the rules of storytelling really well.
ReplyDeleteAs for the rhythm, you have made a valiant attempt, and your first stanza is perfect.
However, as the ballad progresses your stresses occasionally fall on awkward syllables, and your last couple of stanzas are rather overcrowded with syllables altogether. Do you see what I mean?