I need you like the moon and the sun
I need you like icing on a bun
I need you like a drunk needs his rum.
I need you like a sister and a brother
I need you like you’re my mother
I need you like a poem needs its words
I need you like sky needs the birds
I need you like whisper that I heard
I need you like a bed and its cover
I need you like a woman and her lover
I need you like space and Earth
I need you for all money’s worth
I need you like a horse feels its turf
I need you
I want you like a fairy that wants to glow in the dark
I want you like a lucky tooth from a shark
I want you when I have fun and a laugh!
I want you like a room wants a view
I want hen an actor that wants his cue
I want you like a river wants it bends
I want you like a love letter which will send
I want you like a soldier wants to defend
I want you like the queen, civilised and posh
I want you like a car wants a regular wash.
I want you like the star wants the night
I want you like a boxing glove wants to fight
I want you like a teen that wants to be light.
I want you
I love you like family who loves you too
I love you like a cow who loves it’s moo
I love you like a Kanga who loves her Roo
Like winter loves the snow
And presents loves a ribbon bow.
I love you like a plaster loves scabs and bloods.
I love you like a hurricane that loves disastrous floods
I love you like a two year old that loves to jump in mud!
I love you like your my own
I love you like a king loves his throne.
I love you like shoe which loves its lace
I love you like a plane loves an exotic place
I love you like a silence loves a quiet space.
I love you.
This is an excellent attempt, and many of your rhymes and your similes are really good. I really enjoyed this. Very well done!
ReplyDeleteI think it would be easy to make it even better though. Look at the final stanza, for example. If you get rid of every 'who', 'which' and 'that' separating the subject from the metaphor, the metaphors will become instantly more powerful and effective, as will the whole poem. Do you see what I mean?
Yes sir Thank you for reading it through!!Its very useful i'll bare that in mind for next time
ReplyDeleteThanks again!!