Atul
I am like a sieve
drained emotionally
and pleasing no - one
Eshwar
The wife always shouts
Atul doesn't talk to me
i'm so confused
Lopa
Poor poor old Eshwar
Poor Atul and poor Vina
House proud mum of 2
Jai
Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
ha ha ha ha ha
Vina
What should I do
Im supposed to be his wife
And yet i can't help
Laxman
My grown baby girl
She is not happy at all
they don't understand
Lata
It is her duty
we are both misunderstood
Her fathers no help
like the 'Ha Ha'stanza lol.very clever.
ReplyDeleteFirstly, your syllables: apart from Jai (which seems a little lazy, since I am not sure how it encapsulates his personality, does it?), Lopa, Laxman and Lata are syllable-perfect; whereas Atul (Line 2), Eeshwar (Line 3), and Vina (Line 1) are not quite there on the syllable front.
ReplyDeleteAs for the haikus themselves, I LOVE the way you have got inside the characters (Jai aside). Your ability to demonstrate exactly what makes them tick is extremely impressive - especially Atul, Eeshwar and Laxman. An uncanny knack at understanding the male mind, jaffacake! Seriously.
Rewrite Atul and Eeshwar slightly, and you've two perfect haikus:
I am like a sieve
Drained of all my emotions
And pleasing no one
The wife always shouts
Atul doesn't talk to me
I am so confused...