Atul
Frustrated passion
aching sexuality
fulfillment hopeful
Eeshwar
The outside is fake
confided in bottles
bright and sadistic
Lopa
Aching to complain
venomous contemplating
break free to the past
Jai
adolescent love
acknowledgement unlikely
Atul can't fulil her
Vina
hoping to fulfill
feeling so inadequate
i want to except
Laxman
anguish and a wife
entangled with impotence
I long for my girl
Lata
Caught up in the fight
between honour and amity
Family comes before
Some of these are really good, but at least three of them don't have the requisite number of syllables (Eeshwar, Jai and Lata).
ReplyDeleteNot sure if you intended to use the word 'except' in Vina, did you? And you've spelt 'fulfil' in two different ways, but they're both wrong.
I like the change of theme in the middle of Lopa though. And the first two lines of Lata are especially good.
All in all, then, a bit of a 'curate's egg'. (Have you heard that phrase before?)