I need love like a thief needs money
I need love like clown needs to be funny
I need love like a sore throat needs honey
And lemon to ease the pain
Like a lion needs a mane
I need love
I need love like skin needs care
I need love like a table needs a chair
I need love like mammals need hair
According to biology
Like the world needs technology
I need love
I need love like a day needs hours
I need love like a garden needs flowers
I need love like a castle needs towers
To look stunning
Like a race needs running
I need love
I need love like medicine needs the sick
I need love like a mouse needs to click
I need love like a backside needs a kick
If the owner misbehaves
Like the Dead need graves
I need love
I need love like the world needs rules
I need love like a mechanic needs tools
I need love like a crown needs jewels
To show a great deal of wealth
Like everyone needs health
I need love like a dog needs a bone
I need love like a neck needs cologne
I need love like an ice cream needs a cone
I need love
This is just fantastic - it is seriously impressive. You stick meticulously to the structure I suggested (next time go one step further and experiment with an even more complex structure of your own) and your rhymes are perfect. And as for your similes, I don't think I could fault any, and many are refreshingly original and fun; and remember, as far as GCSE creative writing is concerned, originality is EVERYTHING. Well done!
ReplyDeleteAnd my favourite similes: lots to choose from, but I would probably go for "I need love like a backside needs a kick" :)
To make it better still? Think about structure, and how any piece of writing needs to work towards some sort of climax/conclusion - built up to by what precedes. Could you have done that here too?
Its lovely but I think it needs a little something different like want or hate or something along those lines because I found it a bit repetative and yoou want someting new for a bit, but I loved your similes they were great !!!
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