I love you like a mother loves her child
I love you like a lion loves the wild
I love you like a rose ever so mild
You seem to be the most sweetest things
You're like an angel without the wings
I love you like a fat children love cake
Just thinking of you makes my heart quake
It's like im asleep and need to wake
Because to me you're just a dream
But some things are not what they seem
I love you like I love the need to love
It's as beautiful as a snow white dove
I love you
I need you like a cub needs its mother
I need you like I need a good brother
I need you like we need one another
As without you I'm complete
Like a heart not in touch with its pace of beat
I need you like my nails need some polish
I need you like a crane needs to demolish
I need you like hate needs to abolish
Because why hate when there is not a need
As my love is like a blooming flower seed
I need you like a plant needs some water
I need you like a croc needs to slaughter
I need you
I want you like a sly thief wants money
I want you like a bee wants honey
I want you like a clown wants to be funny
As the need to want you more increases
Like the heat on a thermostat decreases
I want you like a person wants love
I want you like a cloud up above
I want you like a hand wants a glove
Because without you my hand would be cold
Like a mine without its worth of gold
I want you like a window wants wiping
I want you
This is often very good, sugadust, with moments of excellence, and I am impressed by the way you have tried to wrestle with your own, original structure (especially in Stanza 1), even if it doesn't always work perfectly. Writing is about taking risks, even if some pay off and others don't.
ReplyDeleteYour similes are sometimes a trifle cliched ("as beautiful as a snow white dove") but are at their best when you try something totally fresh and original, e.g.:
"like a window wants wiping"
"like we need one another"
"like my nails need some polish"
I like the bits in between your trimeters (e.g. the part about the decreasing thermostat) even when they sometimes become a little convoluted. Like I said, you are experimenting, and I applaud this.
Most of all, it's great to have the blog sprinkled in sugadust once more. Long me you remain... :)