My heart was but a beating soul, of which you chose to tear. My love was but a cotton fleece, you never chose to wear. I gave to you an arm, a leg, you kicked and punched me sore. I like that I dont know you now, I love when we're at war.
1. Line to doesn't make sense (i.e. because of the 'of' at the start); 2. Your final line doesn't fit with the sentiment of the rest of the poem, in my eyes; it seems to suggest that the writer is happier at war than in love, which contradicts the bitterness at the heart of their betrayal, don't you think?
I love your metaphors too, though - all of them! :)
Mostly brilliant, but I have two questions:
ReplyDelete1. Line to doesn't make sense (i.e. because of the 'of' at the start);
2. Your final line doesn't fit with the sentiment of the rest of the poem, in my eyes; it seems to suggest that the writer is happier at war than in love, which contradicts the bitterness at the heart of their betrayal, don't you think?
I love your metaphors too, though - all of them! :)