You made it feel just like a dream it felt so damn alive i felt your world was mine to own there was nothing to hide but later i found out the truth your true colours were shown i felt so hurt inside of me my broken heart was thrown
This is absolutely fantastic! Well done! I am really impressed.
I would, however, fine-tune it to make the iambs absolutely perfect (because two lines are not QUITE there):
Line 4: where it is, 'nothing' would be said 'noTHING' when we would normally say it 'NOthing'; how about changing the line to "with nothing left to hide"?
Line 6: where it is, 'colours' would be said 'coLOURS' which, again, sounds strange, when 'COlours would be more normal. However, I cannot, at the moment, find a way around this. Can you give it a go?
wot du you think sir?
ReplyDeleteThis is absolutely fantastic! Well done! I am really impressed.
ReplyDeleteI would, however, fine-tune it to make the iambs absolutely perfect (because two lines are not QUITE there):
Line 4: where it is, 'nothing' would be said 'noTHING' when we would normally say it 'NOthing'; how about changing the line to "with nothing left to hide"?
Line 6: where it is, 'colours' would be said 'coLOURS' which, again, sounds strange, when 'COlours would be more normal. However, I cannot, at the moment, find a way around this. Can you give it a go?